As Expected, Two People Find A Dead Bat In WalMart Salad
NY Times- Two people in Florida ate some salad from a container before discovering the remains of a dead bat inside of it, officials said.
The bat — a Mexican free-tailed bat — was sent last week to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention laboratory for rabies testing because the animals in the United States can sometimes carry the disease, the agency said in a statement on Saturday. However, the bat was too badly decomposed to definitively determine whether it had rabies.
Based on the bat’s deteriorated condition, it was likely in the container for “a number of days,” Thomas W. Skinner, a C.D.C. spokesman, said in an email on Monday.
The bat was found in a 5-ounce clear container of Organic Marketside Spring Mix. The salad maker Fresh Express issued a recall on Saturday after it said it was notified that “extraneous animal matter was allegedly found” in a single container, according to a notice on the Food and Drug Administration’s website.
This sounds like a combination of Spiderman, Batman, and that movie Contagion. Obviously these two people aren’t Batman because Bruce Wayne doesn’t buy his produce at WalMart. Spiderman was bitten by a living, radioactive spider and these morons were chowing down on dead bat meat. So it feels closest to Contagion to me, which means you’re all fucked. I’ve been refusing medicine at every turn to strengthen my immune system in case this happened. But for those of you who take antibiotics to stave off minor infections, receive flu shots every year, or even pop the occasional advil… goodbye.
This is how it starts. I bet that couple shook hands with a bunch of people after they ate that bat. Those people then coughed on the subway, peed in a public pool, or went to a freaky sex party. That virus is everywhere and you might as well enjoy these last few days before your spine dissolves.
PS- In all seriousness, if you’re buying lettuce at WalMart, you’re pretty much asking for bat fangs in your iceberg wedge. Buy local!