This Girl's Tinder Bio is The First One Ever To Mention Eating Fast Food In A Non-Obnoxious Way

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Okay maybe a bit of a stretch as an analogy. But overall it’s nice to see a girl reference McDonald’s in a way that isn’t the usual “I can eat more Chicken McNuggets for you” or “if you buy me $50 worth of Wendy’s I’ll suck your dick,” no brags or basic bitch grandstanding. Nope, just a simple girl trying to eat double-thick meat and get doused in special sauce in the process. That’s the kind of chick you want, the one who doesn’t look at a Big Mac and see an opportunity to make an “OMG I AM SO FAT BUT LOVE MCDONALD’S SO MUCH” social media post but instead sees a chance to liken it to a bukkake scene. Those are the ones who make every day alive a veritable McDonaldland, minus the mutant purple beanbag chairs and mouthy childlike fry bushes.

And I may have smoked some PCP before writing that intro to the latest Tinder roundup. You know what that means: Double the Spags, double the fun with the latest episode of Swipe Drunk Love with self-styled DM expert Francis:

There’s a Soundcloud link here if you’re an audio guy. We touched on a ton of shit about social media and sliding into DMs, got a brief interlude of life advice from a lightly sauced Uncle Chaps, talked broken dicks and more. If you like this blog every week, you’ll enjoy it, that’s another #SpagsPromise.

As always thanks to the folks who sent things in, make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM in your screenshots, and now let’s get to the blog:

RC1

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This is actually a nice win for everyone involved, hope she can write that off (via RC)

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Don’t forget to follow the Swipe Drunk Love Instagram for bonus Tinder roundup content from me every single day

S-iappreciatehowthisshirtallowsmetoimmediatelyunderstandherHootersqualifications

I appreciate how this shirt allows me to immediately understand her Hooters qualifications, way better than a well-presented resume (via S)

AB1

AB2-thismaybeofinteresttosomeoneoutthere

This sounds a little like a brilliant marketing gimmick but it still may be of interest to someone out there, call it a hunch (via AB)

HB-imtoldthisisaformerbachelorgirlsocoolnowweallknowshewantsmeaningfullove

I’m told this is a former Bachelor girl so cool now we all know someone out there might be banging her in a bar bathroom (via HB)

MA-nicethattheNCAAisstillfocussingontheimportantissues

It’s nice that the NCAA is still focusing on the important issues (via MA)

HJ-howmuchilikethepoemisgoingtogreatlydependuponthepartofthephotocroppedout

How much I like the poem is going to greatly depend upon the part of the photo cropped out (via HJ)

C-ionlyputthisinheresoyoudthinkshewasspellingsomethingoutbutsheisnt

I only put this in here so you’d think she was spelling something out but she isn’t, just annoying (via C)

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AC2-thisgirlsfictionalizedversionofmygrandmaismuchmeanerthanmyactualgrandma

This girl’s fictionalized version of my grandma is much meaner than my actual grandma, to be clear (via AC)

C1

C2-theirfathermustbepoppingxanniesalldayeveryday

Their father must be popping Xannies all day just to live, I wouldn’t blame him (via C)

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DCW2-thisweeksreminderthatatransgirlusingmyfavemojikindaruinsit

This week’s reminder that a trans girl heavily using my fave creepin’ emoji kiiiiinda ruins it for me (via DCW)

AD-watermarkedphotoplusacheerleaderonTinderequalspoorcheerleader

Watermarked photo plus a cheerleader being on Tinder instead of Bumble…she must be one of those impoverished cheerleaders (via AD)

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Gotta see the rate card here out of curiosity if nothing else (via AP)

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Note to self: Don’t look under the arm of a quintessential Taurus (via OT)

JG-gottarespectDavidOrtizforrockingtheCarribeancasualweareveninBoston

Gotta respect David Ortiz for rocking the Caribbean casual wear even in New England (via JG)

YM-wegetityoureasurvivorcontestantwhocares

Oh were you a Survivor contestant or something? Wowww we’re all soooo impressed (via YM)

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Hopefully her knees bend better than Joel Embiid’s (via T)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

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Brazilian and ASU is a dangerous combo (via DY)

ZS-HOTNSFWthe18yearoldIndianacollegegirlSpagsPromiseiscomingoutHOT

The 18-year-old Indiana college girl #SpagsPromise is firing out HOT this week (via ZS)

TJ-HOTNSFWaqualitymirrorbuttselfieisoneoflifessimplepleasures

A quality mirror butt selfie is one of life’s simple pleasures, cherish it whenever you come across it (via TJ)

J-HOTNSFWaniceItalianspagspromisejustlikemommausedtomake

A nice Italian #SpagsPromise just like momma used to make (via J)

MS-HOTNSFWyoudontexpectabuttlikethatoutofmichigan

You don’t expect a butt like that coming out of Michigan (via MS)

JR-HOTNSFWhopefullythecommoninterestisthespagspromise

Hopefully the common interest between them is the #SpagsPromise (via JR)

LG-HOTNSFWweretherehtatmanyguysofferingdickmagictricksthatitwasworththepretalkdisclosure

Were there that many guys offering dick magic tricks that it was the worth the pre-text disclosure? (via LG)

K-HOTNSFWiseeaspagspromiselurkingintheshadowlynn

I see a #SpagsPromise lurking in the Shadowlynn (via K)

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BML2-HOTNSFWasyoucouldimaginethisismoreNSFWthanhotbutitstoooutlandishofaprofilenottoshare

As you could imagine this is more NSFW than hot but it’s too outlandish of a profile not to share. I’d like to imagine it’s leading to an awakening for one of you out there (via BML)

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Nothing subtle at all about the piercing on this #SpagsPromise (via GH)

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The officially approved social media follow of the week who I already followed so she may have been in the blog before…neither you nor I will care after looking at her Instagram (via JD)

MM-HOTNSFWtheamountofpiercedspagspromiseseveryweekblowsmymind

The amount of pierced #SpagsPromises every week continues to blow my mind (via MM)

KB-HOTNSFWstonerchicspagspromisenothatingit

A stoner chick #SpagsPromise to mellow any harsh vibes (via KB)

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Is the measurement listed her height or the diameter of her ass? (via TC)

J-HOTNSFWnicetoseethattheynamedhercompanyafterherass

It’s nice to see that they named her company after her ass (via J)

RC-HOTNSFWsouthamericangirls

South American girls doing it big time this week, curves as dangerous (via RC)

LB-HOTNSFWmilitarygalsareaspecialbreed

Military gals are a special breed (via LB)

And there we have it, another week in the books. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM in your best screenshot (the latter if you want to see sexy photos of me and David Wallace from The Office too), thanks again to everyone who sent things in, and happy swiping!