Good News: Mumps Has Made It's Way Back To The NHL
Every professional sports league has a thing. Like how NBA players will film their teammates confessing to cheating on their wives/girlfriends. And how NFL players get arrested by the dozens in the offseason. MLB players get hurt from sneezing too hard. The NHL has staked their claim to the mumps and will NOT be giving up the mumps any time soon. I can’t imagine that any other professional sports league was trying to take the mumps away from the NHL but they’re just making sure at this point that everybody knows it’s theirs. Asserting their dominance on the mumps front because for the 2nd time in 3 seasons, we’re about to have another outbreak.
We’ve got a few patient zeroes in Vancouver right now. 1 confirmed and 4 more possible cases of the mumps. That means that everybody who has played the Canucks in the past few weeks can probably expect to have a player or two go down with the infection. Which means that everybody who has played anybody who has played the Canucks in the past few weeks can probably expect to have a player or two go down with the infection. Which means that everybody who has played anybody who has played anybody who has played the Canucks in the… well you get the point. Over 20 players on 5 different teams came down with the mumps the last time this shit started going around in December ’14. You’d think that after an epidemic like that maybe the NHL would force all players to be vaccinated for the disease before entering the league. But I guess Robert De Niro is the head official on the NHL’s Health Department so vaccinations be damned.
Anyway, it’s all a very exciting time. Sure it sucks for whatever guys end up coming down with the mumps. But nobody dies from the mumps. You just have a funny looking face for about a week, have to deal with a fever and then you’re good to guy. It’s not like guys are spreading AIDS all over the place.