Justin Verlander Won't Fuck Kate Upton Before Games, Or After Games Either

NYP - Only Kate Upton can f—k Justin Verlander — and sometimes not even she can.

When a Detroit Tigers fan called in to “Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen” on Wednesday and inquired about pregame procreation, she was adamant in her response.

“There’s no sex before a game,” Upton, 24, insisted. “Absolutely none.”

She added, “What I’ve just found out is, if he plays too well, there’s no sex after, either. What a buzzkill for me!”

Well turns out Kate Upton and Justin Verlander are barely fucking. What a turn of events. Can’t feel good for Upton. How many days before he pitches is he not fucking her? Add in road games, and then if he pulls a good game out of his ass, is she just not fucking all baseball season? Is Verlander just not that into him? Maybe the entire relationship is a sham?

I just did some math, and out of 162 games in the season, he starts an average of 34. And then he won 16 games last year, so that’s 50 days right there where there’s no fucking. And let’s say he pitched well in 10 more. That’s 60. Now, they play 81 road games and she’s not there for most of them (though she weirdly travels with him more than most). Gotta subtract the road games he starts (17) and that’s 64 more days they aren’t fucking. Now in the offseason, let’s keep in mind she is shooting calendars and the like for weeks at a time, so let’s add another 21 days. And then you factor in playoffs, days he’s bummed because he pitched really, really bad, the time spent buying weird jeans, the time apart for Spring Training, and so much more. My math tells me Verlander and Upton have sex approximately 8 times a year. So remember folks, the grass is always greener.