Tom Brady Posts a Video of Himself Wiping Out Skiing. Everybody Panic.
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Naturally Patriots fans are freaking the fuck out right now over the sight of Tom Brady ski jumping on the World’s Most Important Knees and putting God’s Own Right Shoulder at risk. And cue every old timer in New England telling the story of the time Jim Lonborg celebrating winning the 1967 Cy Young Award with a ski trip where he blew his knee out, was never the same pitcher and had to eventually retire and settle for a post-baseball career being my dentist. (No lie. He really is.)
But not me. I’m not scared. If Brady has taught us anything over the last 17 years, is that he’s invincible. No cliff is too high to jump off of …
… no waterslide is too treacherous …
… and not even the Forbidden Dance of Brazil is too dangerous …
… for the GOAT. He’s got nothing to worry about. Not as long as his joints and bones are all invulnerable, thanks to his alkaline/acid mix, dehydrated algae, spirulina and $200 magical pajamas powered by bio-ceramic print. Men like Brady don’t live in fear. They work hard, they play hard and they relax with their wives and kids hard, consequences be damned. They know one speed, and it’s turbo charged, standing on the pedal with all the afterburners kicked in. It’s not tempting fate when you control fate.