Philly Rapper Just Saved The Rap Game With "Wawa Hoagies"
IF YOU FUCKIN’ WITH 7-11, OR YOU FUCKIN’ WITH SHEETZ, WE AIN’T FUCKIN’ WITCHU!!!!!!! Get that shit tattoo’d across my chest and etched into my headstone when I die.
Listen. I don’t mean no disrespect but the rap game is softer than some baby shit these days. It’s nothing but a bunch of fake wannabe gangstas using autotune to talk about how much money they spend at the club to spray champagne on some titties. Trigger fingers have turned to Twitter fingers. The rap game has pretty much turned into and R-rated Kidz Bop where everything is carefully packaged and calculated for what is going to play on the radio. None of it is real anymore. Nobody is telling any actual stories with their music. It’s just the same generic shit time and time again for radio plays. But all it took was one Philly rapper’s love affair with Wawa to come in and get the rap game back to where it needs to be. Because make no mistake about it, “Wawa Hoagies” is fucking FLAMES.
This is real rap right here. It’s like if you took Atmosphere but only made them better because they’re making music about the greatest place in the world; Wawa. Anybody who has ever lived in Wawa Country has had this exact same experience before. Stumbling in to Wawa hammered drunk after the bars close to grub down on whatever you can get your hands on. You usually end up waking up hungover to at least a quarter of a sandwich left in bed with you after you passed out mid-bite. And the first place you head to after waking up? Right back to Wawa for a 20-oz coffee, a sizzli or two and at least 15 hashbrowns to eat your way through your hangover. And the donut case is always there staring you right in the face right as your paying for everything. Just tempting you to be a fat piece of shit and give in to the temptations. Sometimes you stay strong and say no, other times you’re weak and you give in. Regardless, you still win because the blueberry donuts are bomb.
And the best part of it all? If you eat at Wawa enough, maybe one day some jawn piece will let you scarf down a shorti off her ass.
So yeah, Wawa is your one-stop shop for absolutely everything you’d ever need in life. Especially now that they’re starting to sell beer in their PA stores. Hoagies, snacks, breakfast, coffee, alcohol, sex. Everything you need, you can find it at the Wawa. But yeah, no line in the history of rap has ever been more true than “I love this place but the parking fuckin’ sucks”. That’s my one and only qualm with Wawa. No matter which Wawa you go to and no matter what time you’re there, you’re going to nearly get into at least 5 different accidents pulling in and out of the parking lot. (Sidenote: worst Wawa parking lot in the entire nation is the one right off of 76 right before the Manayunk Bridge. Holy christ is that a shit show).