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Cops Put the Value of Brady's Super Bowl LI Jersey at $500K


DMSuper Bowl hero Tom Brady’s game worn jersey which went missing after his New England Patriots won the big game earlier this month is worth a cool half-million dollars, it was learned on Tuesday.

At least that is the value of the jersey as estimated by the Houston Police Department, according to the police report [which] says that theft of the jersey amounts to a first degree felony because the stolen item in this case is worth in excess of $200,000.

The police officially attached the $500,000 price tag on the jersey because that is what Brady told them the item is worth, according to TMZ.

The website says the police told it that it was either Brady or ‘one of his people’ who reported the figure, although Rick Harrison of the TV show Pawn Stars told TMZ that the real value is closer to $200,000. …

In Texas, first degree felonies are punishable by a minimum of five years in prison and a maximum of 99 years in addition to a $10,000 fine.

Rick Harrison can cut the shit right this very second. He might be a big deal when it comes to assessing the value of old flintlock rifles or paintings someone’s dead granny kept in the attic. He needs to leave the valuation of Tom Brady’s Super Bowl LI jersey to Tom fucking Brady.

If anything, a half a million is low for that thing. That’s not just a piece of memorabilia. It’s not some baseball from a no-hitter or a pair of shoes someone wore scoring a touchdown. That is the shirt Brady wore locking up the all time GOAT title. Setting records that will never be broken. Bringing about the culmination of a dream. Plus a redemption story so perfect Hollywood is jumping on it.

You can’t put a price on that. The Brady Jersey is a sacred national symbol. It’s the Declaration of Independence with a map to the Freemason’s treasure on the back. Only it’s soaked with his sweat, blood, spit and tears, so it’s like the Shroud of Turin, too.

The Houston PD can knock it off as well. 99 years in jail and a $10,000 fine might sound like a lot if this was an old Bum Phillips hat or a Hakeem Olajuwon jersey or some pullover JJ Watt was wearing on the sideline when he set the Most Superfluous TV Reaction Shots record. But this is the Brady Jersey. And anything less than torture that has these despicable little sticky-fingered scumbags praying for death will not do.