Your Average Drugged Up Naked Philly Man Stole A Cab And Throttled It Through Rittenhouse Sq. Park

Philly – Philadelphia police have arrested an apparently naked man for driving an allegedly stolen taxi cab through Rittenhouse Square Park this afternoon. Witnesses say they had to dive out of the cab’s way as it barreled through the park around 3:15 p.m. before coming to a halt near 18th and Walnut streets, where about 10 men approached the cab, which was smoking, and dragged the driver out of it, according to Josh Schonewolf, who said he was in the park running errands at the time of the incident. “It was pretty effing scary,” Schonewolf said. “People were running inside and stuff. When they pulled [the man] out of the cab he was all red and naked and crazy.”

Oh, nothing like the most affluent part of Philadelphia becoming victim to the ol’ GTA in real life treatment. The only thing missing is this dude crashing the cab into the Gold Club to Molotov Cocktail a gaggle of strippers. And if you ever strolled through Rittenhouse Sq. you know this is usually not even close to the most random thing you’d see.  On the other side of the park there’s probably a combination of hipster poetry sessions, grade school kids grifting, and crack addicts legit dragging their entire life in a municipal trashcan.  Hell, you even got pure bums whipping out hammocks to stake their claim with no regard for life.

Assuming he’s not homeless (which is a BOLD assumption), I kind of like the move.  If you’re going to do something you might as well be comfortable.  So nap on, hammock guy.  Nap on. At least by doing nothing with your life you’re somehow contributing more to society than the man going full throttle through the park.

PS – “yeah fam that jawn was crazy” to describe a drugged up naked dude stealing a cab and going full psychopath driving it through swarms of pedestrians is so beyond Philly I can’t even defend it.