Doing The Morning After A Super Bowl Win Media Rounds Would Be So Shitty


The morning after a championship must be so bitter-sweet. You win a huge game, party your dick absolutely raw, lay down for a little while and then have to chat with Mike and Mike or a local media group only to rehash all of the same questions that you answered the night before while you were still sober.

Champagne hangovers are a top 3 worst hangover (1. Cheap tequila
2. Cheap vodka 3. Champagne) and giving a decent interview with one of those head splitting headaches would be less than ideal.

I dont know if Brady drinks on a day like the Super Bowl. Maybe he parties by downing a few cups of strawberries or some shit. All I know is that I wouldn’t wanna do these early morning interviews unless it was with someone like us. I need a place I can be free and say how I feel. I’m not calling into the Subway Fresh Take Hotline in order to tell you that I think that winning my 5th Super Bowl is actually good.

“Hey Tom. Good morning. You must be tired lol. Lots of celebrating last night. Talk about what this win means for your legacy.”

/extremely sleepy Tom Brady voice

“Ha thanks for having me on guys. Nothing too crazy. This win isn’t about me. I’ll leave the legacy talk for you guys. It was a great night for the team and I’m looking forward to celebrating this win for the next few days and then getting back to work.”

annnddd scene.

If there can be only one critique of last night’s performance, I need a more open mouth from Tom here.

Tight lips? No, sir. You open that mouth and kiss her good, Tom. Get the juices flowing. Get a half chub or something. Pathetic post-game kiss.