Kyle Shanahan's Backpack with His Playbook in it Went Missing at Media Day. Bring on the Paranoia
Kyle Shanahan briefly loses playbook when reporter accidentally takes OC’s backpack:… https://t.co/5HN12I0Yti
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) January 31, 2017
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Schefter – Not much has gone wrong lately for Kyle Shanahan. But after his Super Bowl media night session wound up Monday, the Atlanta Falcons offensive coordinator and presumptive San Francisco 49ers head coach had reason to be worried.
“I’m stressed out right now,” Shanahan said. “Somebody took my bag, and it had everything in it.”
Shanahan’s backpack, which contained a copy of the Falcons’ Super Bowl playbook, Super Bowl tickets and other personal effects, had gone missing at some point during his 45-minute session with reporters in the stands at Minute Maid Park.
Shanahan spent about 15 minutes looking for the backpack [before it was] discovered that San Francisco Examiner columnist Art Spander had mistakenly picked up Shanahan’s bag instead of his own.
So typical. Every time the Patriots are involved, something sketchy happens. Cameras. Footballs disappearing into the bathroom. Cell phones destroyed. Headsets jammed by radio signals. Scoreboards screwing up. Fumbles being called incomplete passes. Trick formations that are probably illegal. On and on and on. And now this little piece of espionage.
What are we supposed to think? That Kyle Shanahan is stupid enough to bring his playbook to Media Day and just leave it unattended in a backpack for any slapdick to walk away with? Please. A guy would have to be a world class ignoramus to bring a Super Bowl gameplan with him in the middle of a crowd of thousands of people and just leave it for some reporter to grab. The man is a professional. He’s about to become a head coach. Men like Shanahan don’t just lose track of playbooks.
No, the only explanation is Belchick forced him to carry around his life’s work in a chaotic public place. He probably has agents swarming all over the Falcons team hotel. Some real next level Mission: Impossible-level operatives crawling around in the air ducts, ready to drop down and steal the plans the second Shanahan leaves the room. So he had no choice.
And here’s hoping by now this Art Spander guy is in a back room getting worked over by Roger Goodell’s investigators to spill his guts. We need to know how Belichick got to him. Whether he promised him cash or if he’s got Art’s wife and kids somewhere and is threatening to start mailing him their body parts until he gets ahold of that gameplan. As a matter of fact, they better get 24-hour security around Spander before Dorito Dink or the Deflator or Ernie Adams or someone Jack Ruby’s his ass to silence him.
All we know for sure right now is the Patriots are guilty once again of their usual spy craft. So if they win, we’ll know it’s just another example of cheating. Get your asterisks ready.