That’s it. Headline is the whole blog. Tim Riggins said my name. Did he say yours? No, it was mine. My name is the name that left Tim’s lips. I’m speechless so I’ll have to just reply in gifs.
But also like a potential sexual partner if that’s the road you wanna take*
I tried to find that in gif form but for some reason no one’s memorialized that very real seen that took place in the Applebee’s parking lot just yet.
I’d also like to tell Tim that it’s OK he didn’t score any goals in the celebrity game and only had the one apple. I could never, ever bury so I learned that an assist is worth just as many points as a goal, people forget that. Plus he played defense, and a pretty decent defense too, if I may say, as I kept getting him confused with Ray Bourque since their weren’t commentators at the game and it was only on a pretty shitty stream so you kinda just had to just take a guess who had the puck. Nonetheless, Pavel Bure said he’d play defense if he wasn’t so good at scoring so if you’re on D that’s not expected of you. Totally fine, Tim. You played great and brought home the victory.
One thing I will not forgive you for, however, is wearing number 37.
A great homage to Patrice Bergeron, no doubt, but come on. You’re number 33 of the Dillon Panthers. Hell, you should’ve just worn that jersey out there instead of an All Star sweater. No one would’ve batted an eye.
PS – I’m on my flight to Houston and sitting next to a guy who definitely thinks this is the weirdest shit he’s ever read. Sup bro? Happy to have a new Stoolie.