This Girl's Bio About Dudes And Tequila Is So Spot On And Actually A Pretty Clever Observation

Ah tequila, nature’s aphrodisiac/personality enhancer/life ruiner. But you know this girl is a master of her craft with how she’s marrying tequila and sex together in one perfect euphemism. Even more than that, I like how she’s glorifying tequila instead of tearing it down. A lot of people blame tequila for their mistakes, act like tequila somehow led them astray with their life choices. But really all tequila does is give you the courage to do what you might not otherwise, to go beyond yourself. There’s almost something romantic in how this girl is chasing a lover to treat her like that fine agave-based elixir. Or she’s just a drunk slut, either or but good for her regardless.

And hey you’ve wandered smack dab into the middle of an all-new Tinder roundup. Our new tradition, of course, double the Spags double the pleasure with the latest episode of Smitty, busty broadcasting wench Alyssa Rose and my dating show Swipe Drunk Love. This week was Dating Apocalypse week, our stories of the worst hookups, dates, breakups:

You can also check it out on Soundcloud here. It was a strong episode, Tex said a few outlandish things, Alyssa’s tits were out, give it a shot. As always, make sure to follow me on Twitter and DM in your screenshots, thanks to the folks who sent things in, and now let’s get after it.

The amount of books being used to cover erections in her class must be outrageous (via JD)

With that name, I get it (via TH)

Your competition for the week knows exactly what girls are looking for, can’t hate the player (via JY)

(via R)

Hopefully Roger Goodell doesn’t suspend her vag four games (via TRC)

I would not want to get in a pile with that chick, that’s for sure (via JJF)

This chick is a wheelchair supermodel, hard swipe right here (via SMB)

That one went from good to “run away” at record speed (via MA)

I respect any man who’s into this sort of thing but I’ll be damned if I understand the appeal (via CN)

Class like this cannot be taught nor learned (via MB)

It’s that guy from that show I don’t watch but everyone loves supposedly, cool (via RMD)

(via PJB)

This week’s reminder that a trans woman might have the best sideboob this week (via K)

I am curious as to what he life is like (via AC)

I’m subjecting you guys to this because someone subjected me to it, I figure it might be like The Ring and I’m not taking any chances (via JD)

USC 7584348 UCLA 1 (via BC)

Club Dave showing up everywhere you least expect him (via JF)

I bet Playboy Mexico still does nudes, President Trump needs to flex a little (via DR)

This week’s reminder that I probably get too much joy out of getting you with a trans girl twice in one week (via A)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

Every set of nips on every dating app, that’s the #SpagsPromise. Act like you know (via S)

A Persian/Indian #SpagsPromise has to be getting us some diversity points (via @BarstoolPlym)

She’s fine and all but you can’t be afraid of the water taking a pic like that, be a professional for once lady (via R)

That is exactly what you imagine when I tell you to think of the perfect 19-year-old booty (via PP)

It’s nice when you don’t even have to squint at all to see the #SpagsPromise, very generous of her (via TF)

No clue what’s going on but I don’t hate it a bit (via MM)

Must kill that kid how close he was to a real life porn scene (via MB)

A Nigerian #SpagsPromise? We’re breaking down barriers this week and I am so proud (via Bry)

(via EDL)

Getting through on this chick must be like passing a troll’s three questions guarding a bridge (via BJL)

An Instagram would be helpful here for both her and us (via KW)

I see a hint of a Blue Steel #SpagsPromise in this Zoolander-inspired profile (via BH)

I hate chicks peeing but some of you may not and I am a people pleaser if nothing else (via AD)

Hot girl with a confusingly spelled name is a great recipe for a #SpagsPromise (via NJ)

College butts: Pretty cool (via ND)

Another tasteful and diverse #SpagsPromise, Dr. King would have been so proud (via BC)

Tits and jokes in equal doses, I don’t hate it (via AP)

That is an old school flight attendant caliber rump (via GM)

When you have to hold up one of those old timey explorer telescopes to see the butt shot, it’s too far away (via DD)

Now that is an appropriately in range butt shot (via NS)

And there we have it, another one in the books. Make sure to follow me on Twitter and send me your best screenshots, listen to Swipe Drunk Love, and happy swiping!