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So Basically Every Agent in Football is Scared AF of Belichick

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Belichick OJ

The MMQBChris Long had a decision to make last spring. … “If I didn’t have an opportunity to play somewhere I could win, I would have retired. I would have played this year for five dollars—I just wanted to be here.” …

“They’re a nightmare for agents,” one agent told The MMQB, “because you know that if your player wants to play for the Patriots, they’re going to take the discount.” …

“It’s simple,” Belichick says in his curt monotone, according to men who have been on the other end of the phone. “Does your guy want to win a Super Bowl, or doesn’t he?” …

“This is the key to your article,” one longtime agent says. …”[T]here is no other coach besides Belichick with his fingerprints all over the organization, with the balls, the vision, the foresight, and a genius level of insanity to make that deal.” …

“They’re not as active as other teams, they usually get the castoffs,” an agent says. “They know—not feel—know they’re going to win regardless of who they have. It’s not arrogance because it’s a fact. You can’t go down their roster and say it’s a more talented roster than half the teams in the NFL.” …

“With players, there’s a tremendous amount of intimidation because of how the media portrays the team as the evil empire,” says one agent. “But once they meet them, they freaking love [Belichick]. They’re blown away by his personality and how much he knows about the player and his skillset.” …

“In Bill’s world, if you do what he wants, he likes you,” says one agent who has known the coach for decades. “If you don’t, you’re an a——.”

Whoa. Clean up in aisle Jerry! I never thought an article about a 64-year-old man negotiating contracts with lawyers could read like an erotic novel, but this just did. It’s “50 Shades of Grey Hoodie.” If a team secretary said “Mr. Belichick will see you now,” and directed me to a room with blindfolds and leather straps on the walls, I wouldn’t be more aroused than I am right now.

You hear so many stories about these superagents like Drew Rosenhaus and Scott Boras that walk into GMs offices, makes them get down on all fours and bark like a dog for them. These “tough negotiators” who make owners run to their Panic Rooms at the mere mention of their names. But in the agents’ world, Belichick is the Alpha of the herd. The one with longest tusks who gets to mate with all the females while cower for his approval. It’s fantastic.

Obviously we’ve got more immediate concerns right now than contracts and pending free agents or whatever. But today is the anniversary of Belchick signing with Mr. Kraft after tunneling his way under the wall to escape the Jets. And this is something to file away for the offseason when the free agency period begins and all the sexy names are getting snapped up for gargantuan money or the Pats start losing people and everyone is freaking out about how “Belichick the GM doesn’t do enough for Belichick the GM” like it’s a Gollum/Smeagol situation.

It’s laughable. GM Belichick gives Coach Belichick whatever the hell he wants because all he wants are winners. Guys like Chris Long who value a ring more than anything else and order their reps to get a deal done in New England, no matter what it pays. Foxboro is a place for football lifers. Guys who want to wake up in the morning and piss excellence and know that Belichick understands how to make them great. That part about how “they’re blown away by his personality and how much he knows about the player and his skillset” reminds me of Mike Vrabel’s story. How in 2001 he was barely playing in Pittsburgh. So he hit the market and his phone rang literally one second after the free agency period and there was Belichick, citing chapter and verse of all these plays Vrabel had made. So he signed. Four seasons later, he was a 3-time NFL champion and a legend. Or Rodney Harrison saying he got one phone call from Belichick and immediately told his agent to stop talking to any other team and just get a deal done with New England.

Again, this is info for a few weeks from now. We’re dealing with wolves a little closer to the wagon. But when the panic starts about how Player A is leaving and Belichick didn’t land Player B, remember that none of it matters. The guys you want to have on your roster will be here next Fall, chasing rings, not dollars. He’s built a dynasty that way.