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A Lesson On Where Exactly Iowa Is

Teacher Pointing at Map of World

Alright so Barstool Iowa has been around for about 24 hours now.  Along side questions about whether or not I fuck corn or if I wipe standing up or sitting down (#TeamSitDown) I’ve been getting a TON of questions on where the hell Iowa is.  The funny thing is while I realize probably 70% of those questions are just jokes, the other 30% are legitimately asking where this magical place is.  They’re not sure if Iowa is Idaho, Indiana or a European country.  With that in mind, I decided to make a step-by-step guide for the real fucktards out there on how to locate the greatest state in the greatest country.  Despite what Pres says, Iowa is a state.  Here we go.  Class is now in session.

Step 1: The World

world_pol495-1

We’ll start slow.  Hopefully this is a soft ball.  Does that place look familiar?  Even the meatiest of meatheads should recognize that land mass.  If not, just jump off a bridge.  That’s beautiful Mother Earth.  The lady from whose tits we all suck on for survival.  It has food, water, shelter and strip clubs.  All the essential things we humans need to live and thrive.  She can be a cruel bitch at times with floods and hurricanes but she’s cool for the most part.

Step 2: The United States of America

650px-Map_of_USA_with_state_names_2.svg

Alright let’s zoom in a little bit.  Don’t be scared.  We’re in this together.  If you got the first step wrong, now is time for your redemption.  What’s that a picture of?  Yep, you nailed it.  Good job.  Proud of you.  That’s a picture of the greatest fucking country in the world.  The United States of America.  Super power.  Ruler of the world.  Back to back World War champs.  I don’t have to say much else because hopefully all of that is common knowledge.  Love it or leave it.

Step 3: The state of Iowa

iowa-map-670

Now, I feel some of you getting nervous.  Like you don’t have your bearings.  That’s because we zoomed in a little further.  If you’re lost, just refer back to Step 2, look in the middle of the map, locate Iowa and then come back to Step 3.  It’s okay, we’ll wait.  Everyone learns at  different pace.  Back?  Okay, so this is Iowa.  The greatest place in the world.  The birth place of guys like Johnny Carson and John Wayne.  This is where I blog from and where you guys think I fuck ears of corn.  So that;s it.  I hope this step-by-step guide helps.  If you ever forget where Iowa is, take a deep breath, come back to this blog and go through the steps again.  You’ll be fine.  I promise.