Always A Businessman, Bernie Madoff Has Cornered The Hot Chocolate Market

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Market Watch - Bernie Madoff, who ran a nearly $65 billion Ponzi scheme, is one of the biggest thieves in history. But he was also the product of a financial system in which both clients and regulators looked the other way from cooked books to continue reaping the gains he steadily delivered.

“He’s a star in prison. He stole more money than anyone in history, and to other thieves, this makes him a hero.” According to Fishman, he is frequently approached for financial advice, including by another inmate who was debating a stock purchase with his broker. “The guy later said he wished he had followed Bernie’s advice closer.”

“Bernie really was a successful businessman with quite original insights into the market, and he’s continued applying his business instincts in prison,” Fishman said. “At one point, he cornered the hot chocolate market. He bought up every package of Swiss Miss from the commissary and sold it for a profit in the prison yard. He monopolized hot chocolate! He made it so that, if you wanted any, you had to go through Bernie.”


You know, all “stealing billions of dollars from clients who trusted him” aside, I love this Bernie Madoff cat. He’s legendary. Biggest thief in the history of the world. Imagine having that as your label. In the history of the world, nobody has stolen more money than this guy. It’s absolutely incredible.

And he’s kept it going in prison. He just couldn’t step away from the businessman life. He has it deep in his person, in his blood, in his soul. So what does he do? Monopolized the hot chocolate industry in prison. Scooped up each and every last packet of Swiss Miss and has been selling them for profit to his fellow inmates. He is low key running a billion dollar business from the prison yard, but instead of money it’s loose cigarettes and toilet beer.

And this makes me happy for him. Once a shyster, always a shyster. It’s like when a wrestler is still showing up to middle school gyms to wrestle for 25 dollars in front of 13 people. Never stop doing what you love. This is who Madoff is, and how he will die, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.