Study Says Revenge Makes You Happier. It's Science.

 NY Magazine – [A]s a recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology illustrates, retaliating against people who have wronged you really does make you feel measurably happier.

 For the first part of the study … the authors had their subjects write personal essays, then told them they’d be swapping with another volunteer to provide feedback; some of the participants instead received pre-written, mean-spirited messages trashing their writing. The researchers then gave them all a voodoo doll, telling the participants to pretend it was the person who had insulted them — and sticking it with pins, it turned out, went a long way toward boosting participants’ moods. …

[P]articipants didn’t just enjoy revenge; they sought it out as a way of making themselves feel better.

This is one of those instances where the researchers could have saved themselves bunch of money and just asked anyone with a Boson particle of common sense the question they were studying:

Journal of Personality and Psychology: “Does revenge make you happier?”

Me: “Fuck yeah, it does. Now give me my money.”

I mean, they had the answer right there in front of them. The voodoo doll isn’t a recent invention. It’s been around for thousands of years because it is deep in the human psyche to want to inflict pain on one’s enemies. Do the nerds at the JP&P think that every writer here wouldn’t jam a needle into the eye of a doll and blind every Barstool-hating cyberbully if we could? Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. So instead we get our revenge by continuing to write the funniest high-quality blogs on the Internet and living lives of wealth, fame and unlimited, commitment-free sex.

But it’s even simpler than that. Find me one great work of fiction that isn’t basically a revenge story. You can’t. Name your favorite movie and I promise, unless you’re some creep who’s into Nicholas Sparks or something, it’s a revenge flick. “Jaws.” “Gladiator.” Every Tarantino film ever. “Shawshank Redemption.” All your Mel Gibson movies.”Star Wars.” The entire “Die Hard” franchise, even the terrible ones. Stallone. Schwarzenegger. All of them.

Or, take TV. What is the story arc of every season of “Game of Thrones” or “The Walking Dead” but the showrunners presenting a supremely evil Big Bad, giving you a reason to despise him, and then satisfying your blood lust in the most spectacular way possible (eat hot, green, flaming death, High Sparrow)? Until they can give you someone else to hate even more.

Personally, no motivation in my life has ever given me as much joy as quality act of revenge, in all it’s forms. Whether it’s a stand up comedy career to get back at my 5th grade teacher for making me the only kid who wasn’t in the class play (how you like me now, Mrs. Gellar?) to settling scores with the Boston sports media to the 2004 Red Sox to the current Patriots and beyond. Retaliation is the best thing in life. Confucius said that “before you embark on a journey of revenge, first dig two graves.” And I agree. That way you can bury the head separate and have twice the space to dance on.