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David Spade Complaining How Michael Floyd's DUI Landed Him on the Patriots is a Great Way to Spend a Bye Week


Oh, sweet tears of unfathomable sadness, you taste so good.

Look, I like David Spade as much as the next guy. Which is to say, I really, really liked him when he was playing straight man to Chris Farley, and the rest of the time he’s OK. But he’s also legendary for being the most overachieving swordsman in all of show business, banging every blonde in Hollywood including Heather Locklear, Kristi Swanson, Nicolette Sheridan and Julie Bowen. So I don’t want this to come across as me knocking him in any way. On the contrary, I love what he says here. LOVE it. In less than a minute he encapsulates the frustration of every sports fan in America when it comes to the Patriots.

Spade watched his own team spend a first round pick on Floyd to be a complement to Larry Fitzgerald. Saw him flash at times but his production drop off. And one Super Extreme DUI arrest later, he’s with the Patriots and turns into Superman. Carrying six Dolphins into the end zone, high pointing balls on the sidelines and committing manslaughter to spring Julian Edelman on the longest touchdown of his career. And driving the world insane in the process.

David Spade isn’t mad at the Patriots, he’s mad at life. And well he should be. You hate to see Floyd end up in a great situation because he did something horribly wrong and stupid? Take it up with the 30 GMs in the game who could have claimed him, not the one who was smart enough to add a weapon to his roster for nothing. That’s not hate you hear in his voice. It’s respect. And to me, it sounds like  victory.