This Guy Thinks His Shit Doesn't Stink Cause His Delicious Eggnog Won't Make You Want To Fight The Christmas Tree

Calm down on that cockiness, flannel. I’ll admit, there’s no doubt about it, that Eggnog looks delicious. An absolute exquisite clog of the arteries…and it’s saddening. The only issue I have with Eggnog and its magical season is I am always on the low end of quality nog. Don’t get me wrong, my liquid 7-11 equivalent Nog is still wonderful, but it’s essentially Crackmilk. And more importantly, it makes me feel like shit about myself and life immediately after consumption. As it should. Eggnog is worse for you than cigarettes and Uranium combined. If I’m not physically ill and in a mental fat fog then I’m drinking this stuff till death. This guy’s classy, homemade Eggnog would almost make me feel good about myself and not get into a drunken political debate with my Facebook obsessed aunt or my parent’s cat (strikingly equal intelligence level). I guess I’ll just fuck myself with some store bought Nog, Oakheart, and call it a life – Literally.

And how about this guy casually throwing out there there needs to be more Eggnog holidays? That’s a HARD no. That’s not my warning, that’s straight from the Surgeon’s General and God himself. We simply wouldn’t survive as a species if Eggnog became a mainstay all year around. Also, if you drink Egg Nog outside of the December, and Easter seasons, you have some serious issues. And if you buy it in the Summer there should also be a one-way ticket to Shutter Island given with every gallon purchased. But for now, time to ‘Tis The Season, people. ‘Tis it straight to hell.