Black Friday Mob Fights Over Toilet Paper

#BlackFriday Chaos over toilet paper. CE pic.twitter.com/7sveqQk3IH

— EWN Reporter (@ewnreporter) November 25, 2016

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DM – Shoppers across the world have turned out in their droves on Black Friday, with chaotic scenes in stores on every continent.

A video from South Africa shows the scramble for multipacks of toilet paper.

It was taken at a supermarket in Roodepoort, to the west of Johannesburg, where satisfied-looking shoppers got their hands on a bargain.

Remember how for years we kept hearing that the rest of the world was catching up to the U.S. in basketball? And that even though we’d dominated the game since Dr. Naismith nailed a peach basket to the wall of the gym in Springfield, eventually they’d pass us? And nobody really heeded the warning until we found ourselves looking like idiots after losing the Olympics in 1988 and again in 2004? Well, I’m afraid it’s happening all over again, with another great institution of our own invention: Black Friday.

I mean, just look at these South Africans. Beating us at our own game. We created Black Friday chaos, had a monopoly on it for generations, got fat and happy and now the rest of the world is catching up to us. We’ve had what so far? A couple of deaths? Some pussies having a purse-swinger at some mall in Modesto? A little minor clutching and grabbing over some towels …

… that wouldn’t even draw a Pass Interference flag in the NFL. But here we’ve got these South Africans tearing the flesh off each other to get discounted shitter paper. That’s hunger. That’s want-to. That’s the kind of fire in the belly we used to have. Back when we had some guts. Before we got all complacent and started treating the once proud tradition of Black Friday as just another excuse to make minimum wage retail workers cut their holiday short to deal with greedy assholes. So step it up, American Black Friday shoppers before the rest of the world embarrasses you any more.