Joe Kelly Is Leaving Ken Bone Tickets For ALDS Game 3 Between The Red Sox And Indians Tonight

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I’m not a politics guy. Actually, I’m probably the furthest thing from being a politics guy. I avoid politics like the plague. I will purposely avoid opening Facebook, the biggest internet dumpster fire, on nights when there’s a debate. I’ll look at MLB-specific Twitter lists instead of my main Twitter feed so that I can dodge hot political takes. That was no different last night, and yet STILL, despite being in my politics-proof bunker, I know who Ken Bone is. That’s how viral this dude went. Get me more guys like Ken Bone in the political scene, and I’m right back in the game.

This fucking guy has more electricity than The Rock, more swag than Kanye, and more sex appeal than Leonardo DiCaprio. If you were worried about the Red Sox before, you can take a big, giant sigh of relief, because the Bone Zone is coming to Boston. Tonight, when the Red Sox take the field in an elimination game against the Cleveland Indians in the ALDS, thanks to Red Sox reliever Joe Kelly, they will have Ken Bone in their corner. I don’t even know if he’s actually going to come — he probably won’t, because he’s busy impacting the world — but even if he doesn’t, there will be an open seat in the house that was intended to host the People’s Butt Cheeks, and that symbolism is almost as powerful as Kenny Crossbones being there live and in the flesh. Sox in 5.