So a local radio station in St. Louis landed the most coveted interview on the goddam planet earth. The Morning After Show lands Ken Fucking BONE. The man literally 80 million Americans wanted to hear from. And let me tell you – there were a few flat out jaw dropping revelations. 4 to be exact:
1) The Red Sweater Was Plan B
You’re goddam right that sweater was “Plan B.” Every girl in America needed some Plan B after getting a look at Ken Bone. Also, such a Ken Bone move to A) split your pants before a big event and B) use the word “rear” to describe your ass.
2) Ken Bone is Not 35 years old
I REPEAT: Ken Bone is under the age of 35. He said “I’m not old enough to run for President.” That means this cat right here:
is basically the same age as me.
3) Ken Bone is Married with a kid
12 year old son, so congrats on the sex, Kenny!
4) He is On Twitter, and his handle is @KenBone18
He was at 18 followers when he announced his handle. He gained 1,800 in 20 mins. Over under 100,000 by the end of today?
5) He is appearing on Jimmy Kimmel tonight
*Thinking Face Emjoi*
When things appear to be too good to be true…they generally are. Ken Bone is too good to be true. He is the PERFECT internet sensation. From the look to the name to the clothes to the setting…and now he goes on Jimmy Kimmel??? SUSPECT.
But I’m not going to let this be ruined for me. I’m going to choose to believe. Like Santa Clause on Miracle on 34th Street. Ken said “If you want the opinion of the fat kid from Southern Illinois. I’ll give it to ya.” Ken Bone is America. Ken Bone is real.