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A Married Dude On Tinder Got Busted By His Wife And She Gave His Profile Some Edits In A Fit Of Womanly Rage

RC-yourcompetitonfortheweekisgettingcockblockedprettyhardbyhiswifehere

Listen if you’re a married dude and you have a Tinder account still, I can’t be too sympathetic to your plight when you get busted. But this is such a weak chick revenge that I hope this dude was using Tinder to the fullest in the grimiest ways imaginable. The bio isn’t even funny, clearly something she pounded out hamfistedly while all worked up and angry and then sat back like “Oh I showed him!” But newsflash: It won’t stop Mike. If they stay together, he’ll get another account, maybe he’ll try out Bumble or something. If they get divorced, Mike is going to go on the Tinder banging binge to end all Tinder banging binges, one of those “You thought it was bad that I was mindlessly swiping before? Fucking wait and see” situations. You poke the bee hive, Mike is gonna fuck it. Guaranteed.

And so it begins, another week of the Tinder roundup. The internet at the office has been going in and out all day but I’m going to bravely soldier through it for the good of all of us who love dating app profiles (and pray it doesn’t crap out while I’m lovingly crafting all this). Make sure to follow me on Twitter (and Snapchat for more office shit), DM in your screenshots, and let’s get to the action:

LC-shejokesbutmydogsreallydoneedtheiranalglandsexpressed

(via LC)

JI-idontknowhybuttheideaofhookingupwithasexyoffensivelinemanjustdoesitformeFOOTBALLGUY

I don’t know why but the idea of hooking up with a sexy lady offensive lineman just does it for me #footballguy (via JI)

MM-isaythesamethingtomyselfinthemirroreverysinglemorning

Awkward I say the same thing to myself in the mirror every morning (via MM)

HS-howaboutmichaelsambackontheprowlforalittlesweetmeatonTinder

How about Michael Sam back on the prowl for a little sweet meat on Tinder? Also how about him using Tinder instead of Grindr? (via HS)

WP

It bothers me that Nebraska could be chock full of chicks like this with jugs and banana fellacio and cool boy names and I’d never even know it (via WP)

NJ-INSERTRAISINBRANSUN

Hopefully less likely to leave your dick burning if it comes near it (via NJ)

NB-needtheinstagramherelikeineedair

Need the Instagram here like I need air (via NB)

ZG-18yearoldshavingcakelikethatgettingpoorlyfuckedbysomefratkidisthesaddestrealityaround

18 year olds with cake like that getting poorly fucked by some drunk frat kid is the saddest reality you have as an adult (via ZG)

MA

(via MA)

GM-IfeellikeOldManJoewouldntcallhimselfOldManJoeifhewereapedophile

I feel like Old Man Joe wouldn’t call himself Old Man Joe if he were a pedophile, probably would want to brand himself a little younger and hipper (via GM)

D1

D2-icansaywithnohesitationsheistremendouslyunfunny

I can say with no hesitation that she is in fact tremendously unfunny (via D)

BT-greatbioforanyblondewithwavyhair

Great bio for any blonde with wavy hair and a solid body (via BT)

BK-cheerleadersonbumblewhoprobablywillnotbereceptivetoyourJoePajokes

Thanks to Bumble and its cheerleader focus you can see this girl in her outfit without buying a ticket or being a crying boy in the football showers (via BK)

SD-youhavetoadmirethecommitmenttotheHarambebithere

You have to admire the commitment to the Harambe bit here (via SD)

S-AbothareblondesBjustsayImtheonewiththetitsyouknowyouwantto

A) Both are blondes B) When you’re the one with the tits, you have a moral obligation to put in the bio “I’m the one with the tits” (via S)

MM1

MM2-whenyoumakethismanyjokesaboutitareyoureallyjoking

When you make this many jokes about it are you really joking? I bet Ashley sucks (via MM)

J-INSERTMOTORBOATGIF

Soooo much of that this week (via J)

P-somethingtellsmethejuggalofamilydoesntprovidelucrativeemployment

Something tells me The Juggalo Family doesn’t provide very lucrative employment (via P)

JG-notifthatsrirachaisinvolved

Not if that sriracha is involved (via JG)

MS-congratstothisgirlbeingtheonlygoodthingaboutbeingaclevelandbrownsfan

Congrats to this girl being the only good thing about life as a Cleveland Browns fan (via MS)

B1

B2-catsmustbeprettyoffendedtobeonthetopofthatlist

Cats have to be pretty offended to be on top of that list (via B)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

AS-HOTNSFWhopefullythesushidateendswithherlettingyougoomakaseonthatass

Hopefully the sushi date ends with her letting you go omakase on dat ass (via AS)

BC-HOTNSFWeverysetofseethroughnipplesoneverydatingappthespagspromise

Every set of see through nipples on every dating app will be in this blog when it’s all said and done #TheSpagsPromise (via BC)

R-HOTNSFWlookingatthischickallicanthinkisthatthepussymustbelikeavicegrip

Looking at this chick all I can think is that the pussy must be like a vice grip (via R)

MH-HOTNSFWthesearehighlyrecommendedfollows

These are highly recommended follows (via MH)

R1

R2-HOTNSFWsometimesifyoureachickmaybeyoujustneedtorecognizethatdespiteyourpersonalpreferenceyoureactuallysupposedtobeaBlackGuychick

Sometimes if you’re a chick you just need to recognize that despite your personal preferences, physically you’re supposed to be a Black Guy Chick (via R)

Cri-HOTNSFW

(via Cri)

JW-HOTNSFWagirlsentthisinaskingifthiscountedasTheSpagsPromisetheanswerwomenisnoandalsoihateyou

A girl sent this in asking if this counted as #TheSpagsPromise and while I greatly appreciate any and all women who click this mostly male-centric blog every week: No, fuck you, and fuck this guy (via JW)

HK-HOTNSFWspagspromisewhossmartandplaysvideogameswhatafuckingchamp

A great #SpagsPromise palate cleanser after that last one, some dude getting a chick with giant tits who doesn’t wear bras and plays video games should thank all the available Gods (via HK)

JP-HOTNSFWcantreallyargueherlogic

Can’t really argue her logic (via JP)

GWS-HOTNSFWimayhaveinjuredmyOkeyputtingalltheseOsinnoooooooope

When a woman brags that her boss refers to her as a snow bunny, you know you’re dealing with class (via GWS)

C-HOTNSFWtimetoplayAmericasfavoritegameshadoworpubichair

Time to play America’s favorite game show: Shadow or pubic hair? (via C)

And hey a throwback surprise for our loyal followers…got some quality titties submitted this week so you get one NSFW cherry on top, bless her heart. Thanks to everyone who sent stuff in, follow me and DM in your screenshots, and happy swiping!