Congrats To Houston Texans Fans! Free 6 Piece McNuggets Today Because The Team Rushed For Over 100 Yards!

What a deal! Free six piece? That’s fucking awesome. That’s more free McNuggets than plays the Texans ran from the Patriots’ side of the field. Any time you can lock down a haul like that in a 27-0 loss you’ve really gotta feel good about yourself in the morning.

Makes me kinda sick, to be honest. A few hours ago I thought we, as Patriots fans, were the luckiest fans in the NFL, but what do we have to show for last night? What did we get? I can’t walk into a McDonalds and grab a free six piece with some dope sweet and sour sauce. I don’t get a free lunch. I get nothing. All I get today is the joy of watching idiot reporters who doubted Bill Belichick eat their words. Big deal. I mean, is it awesome being able to masturbate to ESPN while analysts marvel at the dominance of this franchise. I can drink the tears of opposing fans but what kind of sustenance does that offer me? Barely any at all. When you think about everything in total, Texans fans are kinda the ones who won last night.