And here I thought I had it pretty lucky spending all day writing about sports and throwing white bread at a grown man in a bird outfit. Nope. Not good enough. The greatest job in the world goes to Dustin Johnson (playing golf while inside Paulina Gretzky for a living takes the cake). The second best gig in the land belongs to this middle-aged hag rubbing her greasy paws all over Hannah Ferguson’s body. How does one land this position? Because if a perquisite doesn’t involve being some sort of fluffer, that job’s worth it’s weight in whacks.