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Barstool’s Weekend Soccer Preview – The “Battle of Last Season’s Sad Sacks” Edition

Sam’s Safe Space For Soccer Stoolies

1-EPL

Hello all,

It’s Friday, there’s beer to drink, and we’ve got some soccer to watch… so let’s get right to the good stuff.

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ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE

Remember what happened on the last match day? Me neither. Here’s a recap:

2-EPLscores

Some news, notes and/or observations:

City has emerged as the cream of the crop through the first month of the season. Kudos, chaps. Nobody wins a trophy for being good in September though.

Arsenal looked a little like a team that knows how to play soccer this week. Proud a yous.

West Brom and Stoke have scored two goals apiece so far this season. The good news is that one of them is likely to start scoring a lot more at some point. I’ll let you guess which that is.

pulis

Hint: not miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

– On the other hand, West Brom has conceded only three goals, which is a defensive record only bettered by Spurs and Everton. In other words, Tony Pulis is having a magical season.

– Speaking of Everton, let’s give the Toffees a little credit. Third place on 10 points out of a possible 12… The Ronald Koeman Effect is real, folks (especially when your early schedule involves games against out-of-form Stoke, West Brom and Sunderland).

West Ham went up 2-0 before managing to lose 2-4 to Watford. Never change, Hammers.

Anyway, four games into the season things look like this:

3-EPLtable

As for this “weekend’s” slate of games, here’s what the soccer gods have bestowed unto us:

4-EPLschedule

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PICKS OF THE WEEK

Don’t get me wrong, as a sports fan and human person with a brain I love the addition of a Friday fixture. No better way to get the weekend started early than with a Friday afternoon game. However, as a blogger who is hoping to get the post up before the games kickoff it is becoming real pain in the ass.

This week’s edition involves Reds versus Blues, or for short, the “Battle Of The Two Clubs Who Spent A Shit-Ton Of Money But Still Didn’t Do Well Enough to Have Any Midweek Games To Play This Season”:

CHELIV

Chelsea [+110]
Liverpool [+225]
Draw [+245]

Both teams can put the biscuit in the basket, though defense may be at a premium in this one, particularly with news that David Luiz will play for the injured John Terry. Ill be honest and say I haven’t quite gotten my head around this season’s Chelsea side. They have been racking up points but have done so in ugly fashion, often being bailed out by late goals by Diego Costa (who usually should have been sent off by then). In fact, right when you think they are taking a step forward they settle for a point against Swansea. Bit of a head-scratcher, that. My best guess for this one is goals… from both teams, which will ultimately fight to a stalemate. Gimme a 2-2 draw.

klopp

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Hull [+485]
Arsenal [-185}
Draw [+300]

Hull’s owner finally broke down and offered the full-time manager position to Mike Phelan, which he should have done as soon as the club won its opening game if we’re being honest. The problem with having done that though is – like every girlfriend you’ve ever had – now that the relationship has been made permanent things are about to go to shit. Next thing you know Hull is gonna be fat, allergic to blowjobs and will be bitching at you anytime you want to go hang out with your friends. We’ve all been there, that’s just how these things work. Arsenal to win 3-1.

Before & after it becomes official

Before & after it becomes official

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Other picks:

• Apologies in advance to Everton [-160], which has been shockingly consistent all season so far, but this weekend’s matchup at home against Middlesbrough [+450] is a) a game they should win but b) the game I am absolutely, positively going to jinx the hell out of them. Everton to win 2-1.

• Southampton [-155] are fresh off their best performance of the season in Europa but are ripe for a letdown against a Swansea [+450] side that showed a little backbone in the second half against Chelsea. Swansea to win 1-0.

• Tottenham [-330] fell on its face in midweek Champions League game, dominating possession but still managing to lose to Monaco, and will be on the warpath at home against a Sunderland [+800] squad that couldn’t be bothered to show up and play against Everton last week. Why start now? Spurs to win 3-0.

• Another redemption game is United [-170] visiting Watford [+470]. Fans of the Red Devils got a little too big for their britches after reeling off some early wins but were brought back to reality by consecutive losses to City and Feyenord. The Hornets are no pushover though and its tough not to want to get a little taste of the home side’s odds… buttttttt I can’t do it. United to win 2-1.

mourinho

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REST OF THE WORLD

Germany: No good top table matchups this weekend in the Bundesliga so tie goes to the Pulisic. Dortmund host Darmstadt on Saturday (8:30am CT on FS2).

Italy: Biggggggggggggggggggg, big Sunday for Calcio, starting with Inter hosting Juventus (11am CT on beIN) followed soon after by Roma visiting Fiorentina (1:45pm CT… unfortunately it can only be found online on beIN Connect now that beIN is dipping their balls in the college football sauce).

Spain: Only three games into the season in La Liga but the top of the table includes things called Sporting, Las Palmas and Eibar. Las Palmas, especially, is a team worth keeping an eye on as they can’t seem to stop scoring. This weekend though the best of the available televised games is going to be Sporting visiting Atletico Madrid on Saturday (10:15am CT on beIN).

‘Merica: the TV schedule in the US is suddenly more complicated now that college and pro (real) football is back in effect, but the two Sunday games are being shown on FOX in various markets, though perhaps the biggest matchup of the weekend pits Seattle and Vancouver in a game that could be an eliminator for making the playoffs. Anyway, here’s the full slate:

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9-MLSschedule

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So there you have it. A rather abbreviated weekend soccer preview (thanks 2pm Chelsea/Liverpool kickoff!) Next week we’ve got some League Cup games to “get excited about” on Tuesday and Wednesday. Get pumped.


Holler,
Sam U. L. Army