EXCLUSIVE: Blake Bortles Stands When He Wipes His Butt

Absoluteley LOVE having Blake join us on Pardon My Take every month for our Wikipedia club meeting. Blake is in my opinion the funniest QB in the NFL if you dont count the unintentional, almost Rob Ford-like style of physical comedy whenever Robert Griffin tries to slide.

On Blake’s most recent appearence, we shared some laughs, spun a couple yarns, and most importantly, learned alot about the correct orientation of hanging toilet paper. But in a little extra treat, Blake opened the Kimono a little bit and let us take a peek into the hygeine habits of a starting NFL QB by volunteering that he is a stander when he wipes:

I’m a big stander. I was kind of like scarred when I was 10 or 11 and I was a sitting wiper and one time I went to wipe and dunked my hand right in the bowl with the shit and the pee in the water in there so from then on out I’m a stander.

Love this situational awareness here by Blake. Dip my hand in shit water because I wasnt paying close enough attenton to the toilet once- shame on you. Dip my hand in shit water because I wasnt paying close enough attenton to the toilet twice- shame on me. We wont get fooeld again.

I’m not shocked because Blakes a stand-up type of guy unlike a certain 49ers backup who probly wipes while kneeling.  And folks Cam Newton is quite blatantly not so much of a wiper as his is a dabber. Blakes a quick-twitch type guy who keeps his feet moving and isnt afraid to really step into a throw of a wipe. While its widely reported that the standing method is less hygenic I want a QB whose more concern with keeping his nose clean then his butt clean. Since getting engaged to Olivia Munn Aaron Rodgers has a butt you could eat off of but hasnt won a Superbowl. Just something to think about.