Bret Bielema's Story About How He Got His Hot Wife By Pretending To Be A History Professor Is Hilarious

University of Arkansas Introduces Bret Bielema
Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Question, when this is your wife

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And this is you

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How did that happen?

No offense.

“I always say ‘I have a good memory.’ I don’t know if I remember the opening line, but I remember the opening sequence. It was about eight years ago, I still had some game, brought some A-game. The thing I didn’t do or what I do. I was with some guys with Wisconsin, one of them might have had a [Wisconsin] shirt on. I didn’t. I told her I was an MBA history professor.”

An MBA history professor? But wait, it gets better.

“That was my MO. My MO back in the day was, before I got too well known, I always went back as a history professor. Usually you don’t talk to a lot of history professors, you know? If anybody ever caught me off-guard and asked me what I studied or what I was a history professor [in], I went with ‘European religions’ because I don’t know if anybody really knows what that means.”

As it turns out, it was a line Bielema used quite often back in his day.

“My buddy was always an astronaut, so I had to come up with something equally absurd. But I used it a lot on airplanes, in situations when you didn’t want to talk to someone. If you’re sitting on a plane ride and you tell someone you’re a history professor in ‘European religions’ they usually leave you alone, but they think you’re in a different stratosphere.” [Fox]

Fucking Bielema. The guy is a lightning rod.