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In Case You Missed It: September 5-9

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On any given day, there could beat least 75 new posts up on this goddamn website. Now granted, there are always some re-blogs and at least 20 wake ups/GTA’s/Smokeshow posts, but there’s still a shit ton that goes on every day. Between all those posts and listening to all the podcasts and trying to actually do a little bit of real work throughout your week, it’s easy to see how you would miss some things here and there. So that’s where In Case You Missed It comes in. A quick week in review on Friday afternoons highlighting the major stories from Monday-Friday for those of you who aren’t able to sit there and read every single post (or just wait for the second something is posted so you can be the first to comment about how shitty the blogger is).

Monday September 5: Happy Labor Day

Only reason I included this in here is because I needed to tighten up the body before the weekend. This should help me throw up everything I had for lunch.

– It’s the year of the fullback. Last night, Denver Broncos’ FB Andy Jonovich scored the first rushing touchdown of the NL season. And over Labor Day Weekend, 49ers FB Bruce Miller was arrested for punching a 70-year-old man in the face. Imagine loving anything as much as NFL players love getting arrested. Only thing I’ll say is that you can’t be a 70-year-old dude and bitch about getting rocked in the face. If you keep walking around like a cocky bastard calling yourself the “Greatest Generation”, then learn to take a punch.

– While NFL players are punching old dudes in the face, NASCAR Truck Series drivers are fighting themselves. Proving once and for all that yes, NASCAR needs enforcers.

Tuesday September 6

– “What was that? Did you just write the word “Harambe”? Harambe? As in that dead gorilla from the Cincinnatti zoo? You fucking rapist. You racist rapist bastard” – UMass, apparently.

– Staying on topic of Back To School, this teacher singing the syllabus to her high school class is as cringeworthy as it gets. A million dollars goes to whoever can actually make it through the full thing.

– If you thought tensions were a little high in the work place for some of the Barstool Sports [dot] com employees, just know they aren’t anywhere near as heated as Fox Sports right now. To say the least, Troy Aikman isn’t exactly thrilled that he will now be colleagues with Skip Bayless.

– I think Tony Romo has finally gotten hurt so much that he’s officially broken Jerry Jones. I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who knows what he means by this mosquito circumcision quote. But I won’t lie, I kinda love it.

Wednesday September 7

– What is going to be your favorite moment of Tiger Woods’ comeback? Mine is going to be when he pulls out of the tournament early on a Saturday just as everyone starts to think that maybe he’s actually back. Also–shoutout to Pardon My Take for getting the scoop on the Tiger comeback WEEKS before anybody else had it.

– Unfortunately, in order for Tiger to have new life it meant that one current life needed to be sacrificed. That’s where Larry I (the goldfish) comes into play. RIP in peace, Larry I. Gone but never forgotten. Let’s have a quick moment of silence.

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Thank you.

– What’s worse than actually paying for internet porn even though there are thousands upon millions upon hundreds of videos online for free? Paying for internet porn and then having your Brazzers account hacked. Good news is that it happened to like 800,000 people so at least you’re not alone.

– One person who should have just paid for porn? Bill Cosby. If I were you, I’d head on over to Bet DSI and place a stack on Billy boy dying before his trial date in June 2017. Dude looks like shit.

Thursday September 8

– The NFL season is finally back which means one thing and one thing only. The Football Sandwich Is Finally Ready. Hope you’re hungry.

– The Washington Spirit trolled the shit out of Megan Rapinoe by playing the national anthem before she had a chance to protest. I’m sure that most of you right now are feeling like Gary Johnson and asking yourself, “What Is A Megan Rapinoe”? She’s a women’s soccer player. So let’s just get this straight. So far the athletes who are protesting the national anthem are a back up quarterback to Blaine fucking Gabbert. A women’s soccer player who couldn’t even help the USWNT medal in Rio. And Brandon Marshall. But not the good Brandon Marshall. The fake Brandon Marshall on the Broncos. Not the greatest look for the social justice crowd. Try getting some winners on your side then come talk to us.

– In an absolutely preposterous and mind bottling move, Kim Jong-un has decided to ban sarcasm in North Korea. Yeah. I’m sure that’ll definitely work. Good luck with that one, Kim. Hope those nuclear tests went well, too, bud.

– They say that incest is the best cest. Or at least this family does after a woman married her daughter just after getting a divorce from her son. Upset of the century that this family isn’t from Florida.

Friday September 9: That is today.

Cube Life Chronicles: Office Problems. Office tour. More office problems. First intruder.

Smoke of the Week: Alexa from Suffolk University

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@BarstoolJordie