WAIT A SECOND!! THAT'S GIANCARLO STANTON'S MUSIC!!

Stanton

BDS

I feel stupid for doubting Big Dick Stanton’s regenerative powers in his groin area. That’s on me. I should’ve known better.

But let’s not dwell on the negative here. Let’s focus on the positive — BDS is BACK, and it took him roughly 45 seconds to hit a baseball at the speed of sound. Here I am thinking that 2016 would be yet another Stanton season that was ended by injury, but he went from done for the season to back in action with four weeks to go. The only thing that sucks about this is that when Stanton went down with his groin injury on August 13, the Marlins were four games over .500, and a half-game out of the Wild Card.

Coming into play today, they’re losers of five straight games, three games under .500, and six games out with three teams in front of them. Since August 10, only one team has a worse record than the Marlins (8-18), and that would be the worst team in baseball for the whole year, the Minnesota Twins (5-21).

As a baseball fan, I would’ve loved to have seen Stanton smashing baseballs in the postseason. It looks like this won’t be the year that we’ll get to see that, which is unfortunate. But here’s to BDS crushing a few more homers before the regular season comes to a close. Eggplant emojis for everybody.

PS — It legitimately bothers me that Stanton came to the plate, and you barely heard a peep from the non-existent crowd in Miami. This is a team that hasn’t had a winning season in seven years, and their superstar face of the franchise, who was reportedly done for the season, is making a miraculous return when the team is still somewhat in this thing. Crickets. How?