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Little Boy Baptizes Himself By Doing A Cannonball Because The Preacher Was Taking Too Long

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Anybody who has ever gone to church in the south knows exactly how this little dude feels. Preachers take forever to spit out the most simple of sentences. They just go on and on and on.

Little man here was amped to get baptized. Everybody knows you get a fresh bible, a trip out to eat, and hugs from everybody on the day you get baptized. It’s like your church birthday. You’re the hero of the day just for taking a little dip in a tub. Although I must say that it is a little weird having your dick out in your Sunday School room because you have to change back into your church clothes after you get baptized.

When I got baptized, I remember seeing a painting of bloody Jesus on the wall while my little penis is swaying to Amazing Grace and being wildly uncomfortable because the eyes in paintings follow you. It felt like Jesus, Moses and the whole crew were meat gazing via cheap ass paintings on my special day. Unsettling.

Anyway, this kid is a risk taker. Taking matters into his own hands and doing the baptismal cannonball is a ballsy move for sure in a southern church. He’s lucky he didn’t catch a beating. It is nice to see someone happy at church instead of the sour-ass look that white people usually have. Look at these folks. They look goddamn miserable. Give me a cannonball baptism any day over that shit.

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That kid is gonna be the cock of the walk at church until at least Easter and I’m jealous as hell.