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Introducing the starting QB for the Philadelphia Eagles…Chase Motherfucking Daniel!!!

Unreal. Unfucking real. Welp, so much for pretending to have a chance (THANKS JEFFREY LURIE – READ THIS SHIT). And with one final move, Howie Roseman and Jeffrey Lurie have Pontius Pilot’d and washed their hands of the Chip Kelly era. The sheep Eagles fans will continue to follow Howie Goebbels to mediocrity, too. “At least he’s trying to make the team better.” “Would you rather have Chip Kelly running the same 4 plays?” “We’ll be on top again in a couple years with that D-1 AA QB we morgaged the franchise on.” Can nobody see how much he has played this entire fanbase? How can I be the only one who has wanted to storm the Novacare Complex like it was the goddamn Bastille?

Howie is a goddamn genius. He really is. If he was in politics he’d be President Of The United States running for his 3rd term right now cause he’d scumbag his way to get the Constitution changed. My father is sitting here on his phone on suicide watch right now, so my mind is a little muddled for any sort of in depth psyche of everything, but let me ask you this, Eagles fans: A year ago today, shit, even after Chip Kelly was fired, if I told you Doug Pederson and Chase Daniel would be leading this team opening day 2017, what would you have said? WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE SAID? I’ll support this team financially with season tickets till I die because I’m one of those goddamn losers who will never let it go, but seriously. HOW?????

Howie, WHO HAS BEEN INVOLVED HEAVILY WITH THE TEAM SINCE 2009 IN WHICH THE TEAM HAS NEVER WON A SINGLE PLAYOFF GAME (oh, and he was the catalyst behind the 8-8 [and 4-12 next year] “Dream Team” of 2011), has essentially guaranteed himself a win-win scenario. If the Eagles are great, great. He’s a genius. If the Eagles suck dick this year (and next, and the next, and the next), which they will, he has an excuse in waiting for Wentz. He’s got 3+ years of job security to where we have to see this shit shake out. And if it doesn’t, who cares? He’ll get millions and a TV gig waiting for him afterwards. Brilliant.

Hey, at least we have a first round pick for the 2017 NFL Draft in Philly now! Granted, it’ll be in the 20’s unlike the Browns Top-5 selection via US from the Wentz trade. But, hey, fuck it right. Who needs another 55 years without a championship when we’re always 5 years away!!!!

The few, real people understand. I’m over Chip Kelly, but seriously I would love for someone to explain why, after two 10-6 seasons, why Howie Roseman had Chip’s right hand player personell man Tom Gamble fired and walked out by security, which caused Chip to say FUCK YOU and request full control of everything (which made everything go to shit). Why. That’s all I want to know. Why. Oh, that’s right. Because Howie Roseman is a fucking scumbag piece of rat dick who will do anything to survive. Fuck you, Howard.

PS – AND again, like when they axed Chip Kelly, Howie made it personal and pulled this shit while I’m on vacation. Hurricane Hamabrae will have nothing on drunk Hurricane Smitty when this shit is through. Equally live look at my father:

PPS – Periscoped