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ISIS Spokesman and Key Strategist Killed In Syria!

Oh I’m inspecting, I’m inspecting, I’m inspecting…. annnd I’m dead!

Great news out of Syria. This guy sucked. He was one of ISIS’ founders and a true scumbag. It’s unclear who or what actually killed him, but whatever. We’ll take credit. At least I will. Nothing better than some Uncle Sam bombs taking out key terrorists on a late summer Tuesday. What a time to be alive.

Although there are thousands of these terrorist POS’s, killing the leaders is key. They’ve got a lot of indians over there, not a lot of chiefs. I mean imagine how well your wheels turn when you can be easily convinced to join a group that lowers its own soldiers into pools of acid? They basically don’t turn.

One small step for freedom, one giant leap for the coalition. Keep at it boys*!

*whoever killed this guy, probably us