Crushing it. You want to keep your head fresh while you look fresh and prevent the government from reading your mind? There’s only one option: tin foil hat. So versatile. Looks like a du-rag (spelling? I could google it but no thank you) and keeps aliens out of your thoughts. Honestly, I feel like an idiot for not wearing one all the time. Look at that guy’s face. Look at it! He knows he looks like a million bucks. He’s an artist. A visionary. He finished that hot dog and though, you know what? My bald spot is getting a little sunburned so let me just wrap it up and look stylish at the same time. Some people may say he looks silly, but those are the same people who will go to a Tigers v Sox game in a Twins hat.
PS – About that last part, if you go to a game in apparel of a team that’s not playing I literally hope you get cancer. Literally.