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NSA Has Been Hacked (Again) and Snowden Thinks It Was Russia (Obviously)

FILE PHOTO  NSA Compiles Massive Database Of Private Phone Calls

Washington PostSome of the most powerful espionage tools created by the National Security Agency’s elite group of hackers have been revealed in recent days, a development that could pose severe consequences for the spy agency’s operations and the security of government and corporate computers.

The file appeared to be real, according to former NSA personnel who worked in the agency’s hacking division, known as Tailored Access Operations (TAO).

“Without a doubt, they’re the keys to the kingdom,” said one former TAO employee, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive internal operations. “The stuff you’re talking about would undermine the security of a lot of major government and corporate networks both here and abroad.”



God dammit we suck at not getting hacked. We’re awful, just awful. Whether it’s the NSA, the DNC, the Secretary of State, all of our hot female celebrities. We just suck. America is just one big revolving cyber door and this is the latest to come barging through. Was it Russia? Was it an inside job? Was it us just sucking at not getting hacked?

Couple things to talk about, let’s start with the NSA’s code names.

A cache of hacking tools with code names such as Epicbanana, Buzzdirection and Egregiousblunder appeared mysteriously online over the weekend, setting the security world abuzz with speculation over whether the material was legitimate.

Hmmm, perplexing code names. I kinda like them but not for the NSA. These are code names Portnoy would come up with for like new Nantucket Living ideas or for Nate. Egregiousblunder? Epicbanana? Have to feel like the NSA would be a little more buttoned up than that. No wonder our biggest tech secrets are about as secure as 2007 Britney’s vajayjay.

Obviously everybody’s favorite traitor is on the NSA’s case.

In a snippet that’s incredible relatable to our operation here at Barstool Sports, the NSA’s website was down amid this hack leak. lol @ this bs “storm related” PR 101 here.

Yeah a storm of Russian hackers, amirite?

Now what happened here is essentially a bunch of bad stuff technical jargon. It’s unreadable after a paragraph or two so, as is tradition, I’ll do my best to boil it down for you. And by that I mean I’ll embed Snowden boiling it down for you.

My tl;dr — Hacking is boring but Russia is better at it than we are so just don’t put your nudies in the cloud and don’t talk to terrorists and you’ll be fine.


PS — How bout Snowden following 1 account, the NSA? Can’t wait ’til a real-life Jack Bauer gets his hands on this cocky little weasel.

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