The 1996 DNC Looks Like It Was The Sweetest Party Ever

First of all, and most importantly, 1996 Hillary Clinton could fucking get it. I was eight then so girls still had cooties (jk, girls still have cooties) and I don’t remember her being this fire.

I’d say Monica must have been a downright freak in order to get Bill to risk it all with that, but I think it’s pretty well established just how freaky she was. If you take cigars in the ass then you can get a man to do anything. We’re weak animals when butt stuff is introduced into the equation.

And let me say this: I’ve made fun of a lot of people this convention season. I’m on record saying that anyone who attends a convention and dances should be sent to Puerto Rico so the rest of us normal people can continue living in America. But here’s the thing, that doesn’t count when Macarena comes on. Once the beat drops to Macarena the whole situation is out of your hands. You don’t even have control of your body anymore, you just start dancing. That’s a scientific fact. Macarena is immediate dancing ten times out of ten and if you’re the kind of dickhead who doesn’t dance to it then you’ve got no business living on this planet, let alone in this country.

Doesn’t matter if you’re thrilled about it….

Or downright angry about it…

You’ve gotta dance. That’s in the Constitution.