Monday Morning NFL Rewind
Yes I’m still homicidal about Saturday.
The games…
Rams 24, Falcons 31
When Sam Bradford passes the ball 55 times in a game, chances are Ram Man and his tucked in personalized jersey are not going to have a good day.
Panthers 23, Bills 24
What did we learn. EJ Manuel, maybe good? Cam Newton, maybe not good? Buffalo twitter account? Most likely run by a woman.
Also, Steve Johnson, Bucket Hat Nation.
Vikings 30, Bears 31
Bears are 2-0, Peanut is saving sideline reporters in his free time and Cutty’s hair is set to a hundred thousand trillion.
Redskins 20, Packers 38
In case you didn’t already know this, Brandon Meriweather is a complete shithead.
Thankfully for him, he is literally addicted to hitting people with his helmet, which, crazy enough, has it’s adverse effects.
Also, RG III is about to be cut if you listen to these Redskins fans.
Dolphins 24, Colts 20
The Colts are the early front runner for team that never covers a spread no matter what. So we got that going for us, which is nice.
Cowboys 16, Chiefs 17
Hey Look! It’s the worst person on the face of the earth.
Good thing the Cowboys secretly suck and their fans can’t hold their liquor
Chargers 33, Eagles 30
Titties and…
Bitches
Browns 6, Ravens 14
The most Browns picture of all time.
How many people can we have look heartbroken after an awful Brandon Weeden pass in one single frame? The answer is 5, 5 people.
…
Titans 24, Texans 30
Came for some football, stayed for Vanilla Ice.
…
..
Lions 21, Cardinals 25
..
Don’t get confused, the Cardinals are winning despite Carson Palmer not because of him
…
…
Saints 16, Bucs 14
…
Saints and Chiefs win the award of “Teams to win but not cover a spread of -3 or less”. Which means I will do nothing but wish fiery death to their entire organizations for the next 6 days.
…
Jaguars 9, Raiders 19
…
Orlando TV Station apologized to fans before this game for legally having to show it. Yup, that’s where the Jaguars are at this point, just feeling awful for anyone who actually has to watch them play football.
…
…
Also Oakland is absolutely electric for the Raiders.
…
…
Broncos 41, Giants 23
…
I’m not sure you guys knew this but Peyton Manning and Eli Manning are brothers. Crazy right? Anyway, there were 3 takeaways from this game.
…
1. Don’t rape kiss anyone on national television.
…
…
2. Eli and Peyton are officially the two whitest people on planet earth
…
3. Phil Simms is in some sort of weird Football Gang.
…
Niners 3, Seahawks 29
Even Pete Carroll was stunned at the ass kicking that went down last night.
Jim Harbaugh, not exactly a calm guy when things aren’t going his way.
