The Next En Vogue Superfood Is Supposed To Be Cockroach Milk So I'll Just Stay Fat

CNET- May I offer you a tall, cold glass of cockroach milk? Why are you running away? It’s good for you! I promise! An international group of researchers discovered that milk-like protein crystals produced by Diploptera punctata cockroaches are an excellent source of calories and nutrition. That could be good news for scientists working out how to feed a hungry planet, but gross news for anybody who’s squeamish about cockroaches. The bug’s common name is the Pacific beetle cockroach, and it’s the only one known to bear live young. The mother roach produces the protein crystals to feed the embryos in the brood sac. Just don’t expect farmers to open up vast new cockroach ranches where cockroach-pokes rope, wrangle and milk the insects. Scientists sequenced the genes for the milk protein to reproduce the substance in a lab. “The crystals are like a complete food — they have proteins, fats and sugars. If you look into the protein sequences, they have all the essential amino acids,” researcher Sanchari Banerjee told the Times of India.

Hard pass. The hardest of passes. Health nuts are such sheep. They’ll follow anybody, do any exercise and eat whatever disgusting things “experts” tell them to eat. This is just the latest thing. Cockroach milk! Mother fucking cockroach MILK. Not the cockroaches themselves, which would be disgusting enough. We’re talking about the milk that cockroaches apparently blast from their tiny insect nipples. That’s what health experts want people guzzling by the gallon. Well I refuse to be a sheep. I will never take a swig of cockroach milk. Never ever. I will continue to be the fat guy I’ve always been. That is my promise to you. To be totally honest, I wouldn’t put it past the “health experts” to be trolling the health nuts with this. I kinda want to be become a rogue health expert and do just that. Push further and further and make healthy people eat weird stuff just to see how far I can push it. What’s next? I bet it’s gorilla semen. They’ve already got people gearing up to chug cockroach milk. People would for sure guzzle gorilla semen if we told them it’d make them healthier. Such sheep.