#BeatOffWithBacon? What? Relax, GMP Trafford South Facebook page. As awesome as that sounds that’s a weird fucking way to describe this event. My main takeaway from this story is that ladies over the age of like 75 can turn anything into a weapon in order to detract someone from robbing them. It’s the last bullet they have in the life chamber. We see at least 15 stories like this per year. An old lady grabbing a candle or a bar of soap or envelope and defending herself. They suck at literally everything else but can still do this. Little old ladies, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. That purpose being able to take an ordinary packet of bacon and turn it into a makeshift nightstick. Robbing an 86-year-old lady should be the easiest thing in the history of things. It should be like taking candy from a person who is like a baby but somehow slower and dumber than a baby. But it’s not. It’s impossible. Keep on keeping on old ladies. Well, until you die soon.