Surviving Barstool | Ep. 4 Premieres Monday (12/4) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 1-3 NOW

The Tappan Zee Bridge Looked Like A Good Time Today After A Crane Collapsed Onto It


CBS- At least three drivers and two workers were hurt when a giant construction crane collapsed onto the Tappan Zee Bridge. Images from the scene showed a mess of mangled metal scattered across the roadway after the crane toppled off the new Tappan Zee Bridge around noon Tuesday. It’s still unclear what caused the crane to collapse. Authorities said three drivers were hurt when they swerved to avoid the crane when it came crashing down. Two bridge workers were also injured. The Coast Guard said a Westchester County Marine unit safely pulled a crane operator from the water.

I don’t know if I’ve ever blogged about this before, but since KFC lives by Clayton Bigsby’s motto of “If you have hate in your heart, let it out”, I just wanted to say that the Tappan Zee Bridge is the fucking worrrrst. In fact, it’s impossible to look at this traffic on the Tappan Zee and not laugh at every sad soul that is stuck on that commuting nightmare. Obviously I’m happy to hear that there were no serious injuries or deaths, but my first thought was about how happy I was not to be on that piece of shit bridge. Always delays, temporary construction, and it doubles as a wind tunnel on certain days that you are sure will end up with your car in the Hudson. In fact, the only saving grace for the Tapp (insider term nbd) is that the George Washington Bridge is almost as big of a piece of shit. But at least the GW has the excuse of being the most traveled bridge on the planet. The Tappan Zee is just a shitty bridge that was never meant to handle the kind of traffic that it is. Which is why building another bridge next to the shittiest bridge in the universe is mind boggling. Just a disaster waiting to happen. So to all you people reading this on your phones while stuck in traffic, I hope you make it home before the weekend. But honestly I think you guys are fucked until at least August.

And just because, here are my NYC Bridge Power Rankings.

New York City Bridge Power Rankings:
1. Brooklyn Bridge: GOAT.
2. Whitestone Bridge: A surprisingly painless way to get to Mets games.
3. Triborough Bridge: I love Bobby Kennedy but I refuse to call the Triborough the RFK Bridge.
4. Verrazano Bridge: A++++ name.
5. Macombs Dam Bridge: A+ name.
3rd to last. Kosciuszko Bridge: F’d up name and usually filled to the brim as you likely make your way to some hipster location.
2nd to last. George Washington Bridge: For reasons above. I don’t understand why we name commuting nightmares like the George Washington Bridge and FDR Drive after great Presidents. It sullies their good name like Omar did Marlo. Name that shit after whatever corporate brand is the highest bidder and make the city some money. Name stuff like stadiums and parks after great Presidents. Boom, two birds one stone.
Dead last. Tappan Zee Bridge: For reasons above and so much more.

New York City Bridge Power Rankings (Non-Commuting Class):
1. Shea Bridge: Name another bridge that in a few short strides can lead you toward a shit ton of good food, a wiffle ball field, and a dunk tank that kind of sucks because there is no water in it. You can’t.