Samuel L. Jackson Narrated A Beginner's Guide To Game Of Thrones

Obviously I enjoyed this video because it was a Game of Thrones highlight reel narrated by Samuel L. Jackson commissioned by HBO. I feel like the floor for a video like that is a B-. But I can’t help feeling like I was cheaped out on the true Samuel L. Jackson experience a bit. When I see Samuel L. Jackson is about to narrate something, I’m expecting fire and brimstone. Maybe not a full 7 minutes of “I’m a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker” Sam. But some serious anger to wake me up on a humid Wednesday morning. I’m sure you can slide a few bucks Morgan Freeman’s way to have him raise his voice and slip a few curses into the mix. I’m here for the uncut Samuel L. Jackson. I’m pretty sure Ben Affleck dropped more F bombs in the same amount of time when he was on Bill Simmons’ show than our boy Samuel. Sad!

Anyway, here wer a few thoughts about the show after that long flashback.

– I forgot just how awesome Joffrey was. Just an all-time great villain just on his pompous asshole look alone.
– I would have loved to hear Samuel L. Jackson narrate the smoke monster popping out of Melisandre’s pussy. That was the moment I knew this show was completely fucked up. Not the incest or Ned getting his head chopped off. But pure evil emerging from Melisandre’s lady parts like she banged the Miami Hurricanes smoke machine.
– I want to hop in the Delorean, go back in time, and tell the Starks to never, ever, ever ever ever ever ever leave Winterfell.

– In the long run, has any storyline been flubbed more than the Dorne story? The first time we really meet a big time Dornish person and he’s one of (if not THE) coolest characters on the show. Then he has one of the most memorable deaths in television history. And instead of some crazy revenge plot, we sit around in Peach Gardens from Mario Kart for the next few seasons as a dude with gout and a couple of sexy ethnic chicks dance around each other with their words.
– I gotta watch the Hardhome fight scene again. Granted it won’t be the same since we know who survives and who doesn’t. But that’s by far the most exciting thing the White Walkers have done on the show up to this point.
– This may just be me talking as a big guy, but I wish there were more giants in the series. Those guys were siiiick. The giant bow and arrow at The Wall was my favorite part of that entire battle. And of course #RIPInPeaceWunWun.
– I appreciate them not going into the gory details of the Red Wedding. I still don’t think I could have handled reliving that.
– If you release this video after Season 6, it should have Season 6 highlights in it right? I mean I realized this during the season, but now that it’s over holy shit did a lot of stuff happen this season. Jon Snow came back to life, Ollie and Alliser Thorne were hanged like chandeliers, Khaleesi claimed alllll the Dothraki as she burned those other dickheads alive, the Zombie Mountain did Zombie Mountain things, we learned why Hodor did Hodor things, we saw all the happenings at the Tower of Joy including just how badass the Sword of the Morning was, everything about the Bastard Bowl, Ramsay getting eaten alive, The Hound wearing the 4-5 like Jordan, Uncle Benjen coming back after being teased in what felt like every Previously On the show has ever had, Arya finally getting around to crossing names off her list, Frey pies, Jon being the new King in the North, Khaleesi finally got her ships, Cersei went full-blown Michael Corleone at the baptism treatment to her enemies and probably a bunch other shit I forgot. Fucking A this show is awesome.
– You have to love how Samuel L. Jackson was able to make it into the Star Wars prequels as a Jedi Knight by being a diehard Star Wars fan (as well as obviously as awesome actor). When you go by the full “Samuel” and keep you middle initial in your name, you are a bad motherfucker worthy of a Jedi Knight role or this wallet.

– Because of that, I feel like Samuel L. Jackson has to find a way onto the show over the final 13 episodes. Not because he wants to. But because he can.

And in case you missed it: Myself, Charlie Wisco, and Trent talked about the finale right after it happened. Not a bad way to burn an hour in the office, right?