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Would You Pay $10,000 To Never Have Beard Envy Again? I Would In A Heart Beat

85th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

CNN- Take a look at Hollywood’s leading men, the White House press secretary and the hipsters strolling through Brooklyn. It’s obvious beards are in, and the inability to grow thick warm fuzz can leave some men feeling left out in the cold. So how does it work? “It is a very meticulous procedure,” Gabel explained. The doctor and his technicians remove hair strands with the follicles intact from another part of the body — usually the bottom of the back of the head. It’s moved to where it is wanted on the face. Then the doctor makes a small hole in the face with a 0.8-mm blade and inserts each hair into place. “The hard part is the angle,” Gabel said. “You have to go with the natural angle. You don’t want to put it in sticking straight out.” Once it is all done, and the follicles are in place and the patient’s face has healed, the hair will grow in like a natural beard. You can even shave it — though why would you want to? The procedure takes an entire day, and can run up to $10,000 for a full beard, Gabel said. Though there are risks just as in any surgical procedure, it is relatively safe. “The most common thing that patients experience afterwards will be some temporary redness and itching to the area,” Gabel said. “Some people say it is more intense than others, and it is usually short-lived.”

Where do I sign?  I’d get a facial hair transplant right now.  Seriously.  I don’t have any money let alone $10,000 but we can work out an installment plan.  I’ve always wanted a beard.  Always.  Ever since I was a little kid I’ve wanted one.  The warmth, the look, the feel.  All good.  Too bad it’s just not in my family’s genes to have one.  My grandpa couldn’t grow a beard, my dad can’t grow a beard, my brother can’t grow a beard and neither can I.  It’s one of our few flaws as a family unit.  I know what you’re probably thinking: “Trent, why do you need a beard when you look like Bobby Hill, you’re at peak physical fitness and can figure skate like Michelle Kwan?   How many life advantages does one person need?”.  I mean you’re right but a beard would complete the package.  I’d be unstoppable.  Probably become the next president.  Not to mention it’d quell the hate that boils inside of me.  Beard envy is a real thing.  Whenever I see a guy with a full, lush beard I hate him with all of my heart.  It’s a downright miracle I haven’t killed a fully bearded man yet.

Just so you know what going on on my face let’s take a quick look at what I’m currently working with:

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Bascially nothing as you can see.  Why does it just stop?  It makes zero sense  And what I do have, is that even real beard hair?  Looks more like pubes to me.  Just embarrassing.  Pubes on my face like you read about.  I would easily pay $10,000 to never look at that pathetic beard ever again.  And after seeing those pictures, I’m sure you share that sentiment.

Things I’ll Miss Out On By Not Being Able To Grow A Beard:

-Growing a playoff beard

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-Buying a mini beard comb and combing my lush beard while watching TV (hurts the most)

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-Fun things that only bearded guys know about

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