Honestly A Little Disappointed With The Lack Of Deaths And/Or Serious Injuries Caused By Pokemon Go This Weekend
Nothing–and I mean NOTHING–dominated this past weekend as much as Pokemon Go did. Now I’m willing to go back on my original take on the game a little. Don’t get me wrong. The OG’s Pokemon Blue and Red are still lightyears beyond Pokemon Go, mainly because you can play them while you’re taking your shit break for the day. But maybe calling Pokemon Go a “crock of shit” was a bit too far. Like the late great Rocky Balboa once said, “if I can change, and you can change, then everybody can change”.
However, when I logged on to the world wide web this morning, I was expected to be greeted with a plethora of headlines similar to as following; “Man Hospitalized After Getting Hit By A Bus While Trying To Cross The Street To Catch Alakazam” or “Search Suspended For Woman Who Got Lost In Cave Searching For Diglett” or “Man Shoots Home Intruder Who Broke Into Home To Find Jigglypuff”. All very reasonable and possible scenarios in today’s world. But that wasn’t the case. Sure, we had a few minor incidents here and there. We had a girl who ended up finding a dead body in a river on her quest to catch them all. But that really makes her a snitch so fuck that girl. A stoolie sent in this photo after claiming his brother got bit by a copperhead snake while trying to find a Pokemon in the woods…
And then, of course, we have this fine group of young gentlemen who have been luring in aspiring Pokemasters just to rob them. And that’s the direction where I need this game to be heading. Because if Pokeman Go users want a more realistic Pokeman experience, well then you have to add Team Rocket into the mix. You need to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. Some poor unsuspecting losers are going to need to get robbed at gunpoint or else the game is just a sham. People often forget that Ash and the squad vs Team Rocket basically invented gang violence in America. I know the game is still in its infancy at this point. I’m not going to count the first weekend of Pokemon Go as a total failture. But I also can’t count it as a smashing success. Beause a world where people are actually fighting at “Trainer Gyms” and those fights escalate so quickly that somebody actually ends up getting shot? Well that’s the world that I one day want to live in. And remember, the only way to stop a bad person with a Pokemon is a good person with a Pokemon.