Why The Hell Aren't The Eagles Paying Someone To Shade Ginger Carson Wentz On The Beach?

So Carson Wentz was getting his rays on in Ocean City, NJ over the weekend. That’s all fine and dandy, except for the part when the franchise future was seen blinding everyone with his skin. Come on, Eagles. You don’t invest a your entire stock to get a #2 pick and have him come down with Melanoma before he even takes a snap. This Ginger Jesus is a empty bottle of SPF 4000 away from bursting into flames. Invest in an intern to carry an umbrella above him at all times. At least Wentz is growing into himself as far as weird shirtless pics go.

OK. I guess this kid has always had a lot of Magoo in him. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Not every Super Bowl winning quarterback needs to have the moxie of a Namath, Brady, or Montana. Hell, Russell Wilson is a certified dweeb and Joe Flacco has the personality of a stale crouton. They’ve both got rings. So I’m not gonna pass judgment until we actually see him in action. If Carson Wentz leads this Eagles team to a championship then he can shirtless hoverhand his pale ginger dick the rest of the way up Brokeback Mountain. Winning improves everything. Well, again, everything except skin cancer.

PS – A bunch of guys are out in San Diego right now working on, well, life, I guess. I encourage this type of team commadore. However it’s disturbing that Chase Daniel has the body of a professional beer league softball warrior instead of a backup QB unnecessarily making millions.