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Of Course Lenny Dykstra Is A Male Giggilo Who Has Slept With 80-Year-Old Widows

TMZSports – Ever dreamed of having sex with Lenny Dykstra? Well, now you can (maybe) … if you’ve got the cash. The former MLB great appeared on The Howard Stern Show on SiriusXM and essentially said he’s moonlighting as a paid male gigolo. “Would you f*** a woman your own age?” Howard asked. Lenny’s response — “If they paid me.” Dykstra explained that he has several older female “clients” who pay him for “companionship” — but when Howard pressed and asked if sex was part of the job, Lenny didn’t commit to an answer. He did say that one of his ladies — who he says is around 80 — is killing him because she “always wants to stick her f****** tongue down my throat.”

“You’re fucking talking about a grey bush, bro”

Look at Lenny Dykstra pulling love quotes straight out of Shakespeare! What a modern day Casanova. Just when you think Nails couldn’t sink any deeper, he goes on Stern and whips out this doozy…and totally de-deems himself! I mean, Sweet Jesus. He can’t be that down on his luck to succumb to banging dry beaver that hasn’t worked on a dam since the Nixon Administration. Or, wait, actually he probably is that down on his luck. Dykstra’s elevator never went all the way to the top, but now that thing is just stuck in the basement with no hope of repair. He’ll do anything to survive. He’s like Creed Bratton when it comes to the job. My only question is how much are these old bags actually paying Nails for his “Companionship”? Have they seen the man lately? Can’t be much for that mouth of, carry the two, ZERO teeth.

You can’t deny a man from laughing at Lenny Dykstra smiling like an infant teething after getting all his chompers blown out in, as he describes it, the cooler. But I also feel, just, depressed. It’s tough looking at this once legendary specimen in drunk sweatpants having to lean up against the wall just to keep himself from keeling over. We all know Lenny Dykstra is a genuine dick. It’s been well documented in the past and he should reap what he sows. But should we simply sit back and enjoy these desperate attempts to monetize himself in some capacity? Because fire up your celebrity death pools now, ladies and gentleman. If this book thing doesn’t get legs, Nails is a dead man walking.