If You Get Mad About How Long (Or Short) Journeys Take On Game Of Thrones You're A Fucking Dork

 

 

 

 

I heard a fair amount of chatter about this yesterday, everyone was upset because Varys got from Mereen to Dorne then back to Mereen so quickly but I kind of just rolled my eyes and wrote it off as people looking for something to bitch about in a perfect episode. Well, today we’ve got Vox actually breaking it down and giving “believability scores” about distance traveled in fucking Game of Thrones. I cannot put into words what kind of loser you have to be in order to A) get upset about this then B) grab your cartographer’s tool kit and start actually mapping it out. You’re a fucking nerd of the highest order, perhaps only surpassed by me because I’m so mad about how mad you are.

 

 

First of all, they gave you ample hints that a significant amount of time had passed between scenes. It wasn’t like Varys had a road glass of wine when he left Mereen then still have 3/4 of the glass remaining when he arrived in Dorne. Second of all, and this is the big one, THIS is what you have trouble believing in Thrones? This is where you draw your line in the sand? A woman birthed a demon, dragons breathe fire, Jon Snow died and came back from the dead, there’s an army of ice zombies, Arya Stark wears people’s faces and went blind for a bit, Bran has a treehouse that lets him travel through time, giants exist, and wildfire is a thing. But what your mind simply cannot wrap its head around is the fact that the horsies and ships move too fast? Get… THEFUCK… OUT!

 

I mean look at this line.

 

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JON WOULD HAVE BLISTERS?!? We’re talking about blisters? Not the fact that he came back from the dead. Not the ten million arrows he avoided, we accept all that as fact. BUT THE BLISTERS! OH LORD, THE BLISTERS!! How would that demigod who’s been brought back to life by the Lord of Light ever have dealt with those horrid blisters on his feet?! He would have been far too tired from riding a horse to punch Ramsay in the face a billion times.

 

 

If you’ve ever, even for a second, thought “hey this guy got there too fast” while watching Game of Thrones then I hate you. I hate you with every beat of my heart.