Man In Vegas Does What We All Want To Do And Marries His Smartphone

(Source) — Here in Las Vegas, we’ve seen nuptials at the Neon Museum, pet nuptials, and weed weddings. One thing we haven’t seen until now is groom taking his love for his phone to a whole new level. If there’s anywhere in the world you can marry your smartphone, it’s probably Las Vegas. “At first it was like what?” said The Little Las Vegas Chapel owner Michael Kelly. “And then I was like… Alright let’s do it. “We don’t really have many people that marry inanimate objects.” It all went down at The Little Vegas Chapel on May 20 when Aaron Chervenak drove all the way from Los Angeles to marry the love of his life, his smart phone.

Is this rather silly? Of course it is. Does that make it wrong? Absolutely not. Given the choice, who wouldn’t marry their cellphone? Some of my happiest times have happened with my face buried in my iPhone. It’s never turned me down for sex because it wasn’t in the mood, it always happily goes to PornHub’s mobile site. It’s never judged me for being stupid when I googled if strawberries are actually berries (they’re not). My phone has always been there for me when I was feeling awkward in a bar and needed someone to talk to and it’s always quick with a joke when I’m feeling a little down. My phones never gotten jealous if I played with another phone for a minute and it’s never tried to stab me because I lost it for the night. Sure, we have our hard times. It’ll always remind me when I get too drunk on the weekend and makes sure I see all the outrageous texts I sent at 3 AM on a Saturday, but her memory is short and she only holds it over my head until all of those messages are gone from my main screen. I’ve broken her before, and I’ll most likely break her again, but she’s forgiving and cares enough about me to let it go. My phone is the most perfect relationship I’ve ever been in. Marrying it makes perfect sense.

Maybe get a nicer ring, though? That thing looks like a bottle opener and makes a mockery of the beauty of this entire ceremony.