The most anticipated song of all time has finally arrived. I’m not even kidding when I say I feel bad for Tiko Texas. Like it started out as just some fun on twitter and on the blog. Just some good material for your boy KFC. And then Tiko capitalized. I tipped my cap. She saw the opportunity to gain more exposure than she has ever had by riding Barstool’s coattails, and she made her shitty little diss track.
But now here we are, 2nd Round Ti.K.O drops, and shes the first rapper to get murdered in a battle by someone who isnt a rapper. I mean thats it for Tiko Texas. You cant lose a battle to someone who doesnt even rap and ever be taken seriously again in the rap community. It would be like if she started a blog and was just better at blogging than me. I would 10000% have to quit. I could never show my face on the internet again. Someone who doesnt even do what I do beat me at my own game. Well thats exactly what happened here for Tiko. Hope that brief moment in the sun was worth it Tiko. Time for your dirt nap. Goodnight.
And as for Portnoy, he was Team Tiko from day 1. Her biggest supporter. Her biggest fanboy. He practically threw her a release party. He knew exactly what he was doing when he was celebrating that release. No fucking chance he ever gives a shit about that song if it is making fun of me. So he had to catch this wrath too. I apologize to his friends and family who are no doubt mortified by the verbal lashing he took on this song but this is what happens when you try to dance on someone’s supposed grave. Lights out for you, old man. Shoulda never been Team Tiko.
Been exactly one year since I put Tiko Texas and Dave Portnoy in a pine box. Since then Dave has gone on to pay for Tiko’s money and weed, because 1) Tiko is a broke ass hoodrat, and 2) Dave has no friends so he’s willing to bankroll a trashbag like Tiko just to have someone like him. They’re the perfect pair. Buried right next to each other in side-by-side cemetery plots. Your boy Young Unsweetened AKA White Zinfandel still going strong on the “Discover” playlist on Spotify. Ridiculous. The most popular music platform on earth still spreading the gospel of KFC. I think that puts me in the category of greatest one hit wonders ever. Also one of the greatest diss tracks in rap history too. Maybe once we’re in the office in September with real studios I’ll get back in the booth. Gotta spit these bars to the world.
PS – The most underrated part of Second Round Ti.K.O is the Rap Genius breakdown of the lyrics. Thats like a blog all by itself.