Soccer Needs To Add Enforcers If America Is Ever Going To Become Dominant

Make no mistake about it, this goal from Lionel Messi last night was downright preposterous. He’s the greatest player in the world and pound-for-pound, possibly the most dominant athlete in the world. But here’s a little fun fact for all you kids at home. Leo Messi is 5’7″. 5 feet, 7 inches. In what world should a man of that stature be considered one of the best athletes in the world? Full disclaimer here–I’m 5’8″. Maybe 5’9″ if I stand up straight but I have the posture of a blogger so I tend to slouch. But I know my role. I knew that I was never going to be an exceptional athlete which is why I’m writing about sports rather than playing them. It’s called staying in your lane. However, soccer has created an avenue for those not blessed with super human freakish bodies to still excel in the world of sport. And quite frankly, I’m sick of it.


Does this shirt mean nothing to you people? This is America, goddammit. We are bigger and stronger than the rest of the world. And sure, maybe it’s our own fault for not sending our biggest and strongest athletes to play soccer. They’re too busy dominating real football and basketball and pretty much everything else in the world. But until too many guys die from CTE and real football becomes obsolete, US Soccer needs to start playing a little dirtier, grittier version of futbol.

You’re not going to beat the best teams in the world by trying to play their game. It was embarrassing watching how easy that game was for Messi last night because the USMNT played right into his hands. You think the United States won back-to-back World Wars by playing flashy? Hell no. We played by our own rules. We had two enforcers who went by the names “Little Boy” and “Fat Boy Man”. I’m not saying that soccer needs to bring fighting into the game. But I do think you need someone out there who is going to send a little message to players like Lionel Messi that they can’t be legal midgets running around on the pitch all willy-nilly without at least a little fear of getting put through the dirt. Brad Guzan tried to be that guy last night…

… but it was too little, too late. I still commend his efforts though. And if the USMNT finally wants to turn the corner and become one of the world powers, then they need way more of this. They need to get back to our American roots as the bad boys of the world. They need to ditch Jurgen Klinsmann and make Landon Donovan the coach. They need to get away from this Eurotrash styled kits. They need to start putting some boots up some asses and only then will they be able to even muster up a shot against Argentina.

P.S. – Everybody knows that Lionel Messi took steroids as a kid and that’s why he’s only 5’7″ now, right?

P.P.S. – we still live in America and those jabronis have to go home to Argentina. The scoreboard may have said 4-0 but I think we all know who the real winners are here.