If it’s Friday, it’s Top Pornhub Comments of the Week. A time when everybody can gather around, seeing and non-seeing people alike, and celebrate the fact that we aren’t the biggest group of freaks the internet has to offer. Because everything we do is child’s play in comparison to those who sit there and comment on internet porn for fun. Now as I’m sure you’re all aware, Pornhub has just recently rolled out a new vertical called “Described Video” for the visually impaired horn dogs of the world. I’m not exactly sure how those blindos are going to read this post but this one goes out to them. Let’s get it.
So here’s the question that needs to be asked. Because there was a time when there was no such thing as the internet. There was a time when the only porn you got was in magazine. Did they make braille porn back then? Or were blindos just completely fucked out of that one (pun sort of intended).
First off, shoutout to Ethan for always grinding out there. Second off, I’m going to need somebody to confirm this preposterous claim from Emanuel. Homosexuals are gay? I don’t know about that, bud. I’m gonna need to check your facts. Who are your sources?
That’s actually a great first question. How are you getting to Pornhub if you’re blind? How are you clicking on the right video if you’re blind? The only way this happens is if you have someone set everything up for you. Imagine if you had a blind friend and they came up to you with that request. He better be a damn good friend or else that’s a one-way ticket out of your life.
This is why I can never feel bad for homeless people. Oh, you’re tired of being homeless because you can’t find a job? You can literally go talk over porn videos and get paid to do so. It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
That is, of course, until Morgan Freeman gets into the game. Then everybody is out of a job.
Now here I am on a beautiful Friday afternoon feeling bad for some porn addict with username “HitlerIsBae”. What a strangle little world I’ve created for myself here…
Happy for you, bud.
Whoever made a described porn video 9 minutes and 11 seconds long featuring Mia Khalifa was just asking for hot takes only in the comment section.
Reminder: Sunday night is the most important TV night of the decade. Also–if any company, pro sports team, or public figure has some horrible news they need to dump soon, then Sunday night at 9pm EST is the best time slot you could ever ask for.
“It’s real to me, dammit!” – Nate Dawg.
And that wraps up this week in freaks. Thanks a lot for stopping by and I hope all you perverts enjoyed your stay. As always, feel free to send any comments you come across my way on Twitter @BarstoolJordie. Go out there and have yourselves a weekend. You’ve earned it. Stay Sexy.