(LivingstonDaily) — Genesee County man was arraigned in Livingston County for trying to return more than 10,000 non-returnable bottles. Brian Edward Everidge, 44, of Columbiaville, pleaded not guilty to one count of beverage return of non-refundable bottles, which carries a penalty of up to five years in prison. Everidge, who is free on a $5,000 personal bond, returns to 53rd District Court on June 22 for a preliminary exam conference. The preliminary exam is tentatively set for June 29. The charge came as the result of a Michigan State Police motor carrier officer’s investigation. Police said the officer stopped Everidge for speeding around 10 p.m. April 27 on northbound U.S. 23 near Faussett Road in Tyrone Township. The officer noticed a large quantity of bottles in Everidge’s rental vehicle and became suspicious. Subsequent investigation revealed Everidge’s alleged plot to return more than 10,000 non-returnable bottles from other states at stores in Michigan. According to Michigan’s Beverage Containers Act, a person cannot return or attempt to return to a dealer a beverage container the person knows was not purchased in Michigan as a filled returnable container. Anyone attempting to return 10,000 or more nonreturnable containers can be found guilty of a felony that is punishable by up to five years in prison and/or a fine not to exceed $5,000.
I can’t wrap my head around this right now but, somehow, I think this is real? The Livingston Daily is a real paper, they’ve got obituaries and all that. WWJ is a real news station in Detroit and they had a read on this as well. That makes two sources and if two’s good enough for Will McAvoy, then it’s good enough for me.
Well assuming this is true, how dumb can you be? It’s not Mother’s Day, it’s Father’s Day! No one sends letters on Father’s Day, Brian. Father’s Day is a grab a help mow the lawn, grab a beer, and fall asleep on the couch day, not a card one. You don’t send your dad pink cards and flowers, you try to apologize for being you by acting like a man and helping with chores on one single day. Of course this was never going to work, you didn’t have a free truck so you couldn’t hide your haul and you blew your margins on gasoline. This mission was set to fail from the get go. Never try and bang your friends no matter how many “rules” you have, never cook your clothes in the oven, in order to be successful do the opposite of everything you’ve ever done, don’t show a girl your dick after you got out of the pool, and never attempt to return bottles in Michigan. These are Seinfeld lessons everyone must heed.
Also, always have a cellphone with you. It’ll save you roughly 95% of hijinks people got into in the early 90’s.